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I think one important consideration is whether you want Boys school or Co-ed school.
For Co-ed, Oundle is the most famous and historic among three and Epsom is very famous of its academic results in science subjects.
For Boys school, both Whitgift and Dulwich are good academic, NOT top. Both of them are very good at sports which make the atmosphere not purely academic and it may not fit the appetite of some parents even boys.
Both Dulwich and Whitgift has a very low percentage of boarding, and it is even less if you take out the Weekly Boarders from the calculation. This makes the boarding house pretty hollow during weekend.
Tonbridge is certainly more academic than Dulwich and Whitgift. It is also further from London which can be a plus. I have not passed by Dulwich before, but I can tell you the Tonbridge campus is huge and STUNNING. Also a lot of top boys from DBS, Co-ed, St Paul boys go Tonbridge and Tonbridge's Oxbridge percentage of Tonbridge is much higher than Dulwich and Whitgift. The boarding percentage is also much higher which make the boarding life much more fruitful.
That said, you can expect, comparing to Dulwich and Whitgift, Tonbridge is even more different to get in. If your boys have the offer from all of these schools, I don't see any difficulties in choosing.
P.S. Among local: Tonbridge is perceived in the same league of St Paul Boys, Eton, Westminster, Winchester and City of London.....while D & W are NOT.
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