傾下==> 有冇人後悔到外國留學或移民

xother

Kidlittle1,
Yes we are lucky indeed to getjobs so fast. I didn’t work for any voluntary and I don’t have anyone to get meany job. Remember I don’t have extended family as well as no friends at all. Vancouver is total new  city for both my husband and me. I am very happy mymarriage and my husband is my best friend as well as my soul mate. I don’t havepressure anymore as our lives have settled down.

We have tremendous pressure at thebeginning. Remember I said having a map is easy. It is very true to us becausethat is the first thing we bought when we landed in Vancouver. Save money to migrate? I wish Icould. I lost my job, then my husband lost his job. Then baby born, SARS and wehave no way to go. You never know how much a Canada visa means to my husband. Hewill trade it with his life! With our limited saving, we have to move out fromhotel as soon as possible and finding a place is not easy. We have no car, nosense of direction, with jetlag and a 10months old baby. We don’t even know howto take bus. All our belonging are just 4 big suitcases! Everyday we have tocount how much we spent and I cannot afford to buy a birthday cake for mydaughter when she turn 1yr old. With my limited English, I was so scared toapply for any job and my first job is working in a Chinese company as only theydon’t ask for Canadian working experience.

I am so happy to hear both you andNillemami are so open about yourselves. I also wish I can help people to settlein new country, but since I have 2 kids and no live in nanny, it is very hardfor me to spare any time. Besides I prepare to help people regardless withtheir background and in the mean time, I will try to share my experience here.

xother

Hi Nilliemami,
As I said before, you are very good in Chinese and I wishyou can pass that to Amanda. It is a very sad story and I admire how much youhave to tolerate.

I compare your every single point as I found that we arevery similar. I am a working mom and both of our children are similar age. Westudied in Melbourne and migrate to North America. I came almost the same time as you, SEP2003. To be honest, I work very hard to support my family and I want to findout what is your secret as it is not easy to live as a migrant. Sorry if thatis offended you.

See I confused as daycare is different meaning in Canada. Ourdaycare is only for fun, not much teaching. Preschool is private and foracademic purpose, but mostly for half day. Our kindergarten start at age 5 andit is up to G7.

Kindergarten up to G3 has no homework at all, so no need tostruggle on tutoring.

Yes, my husband is always with me, but remember I agree tomigrate is because of him. As I said, I am a very simple person. I am happywhat I have now but wish to learn more about how to bring up a smart child aswell. Now you know why I question every single point from you as I want to knowif you are accelerated or it is real about Amanda.

Your story is sad for sure, butevery family has their sad story, right? Atleast you have a house waiting whenyou go to JFK and steady income when your daughter born. I lost my job firstand found out I was pregnant, then my husband lost his job just 1month beforebaby born. I was so scare to tell any of my family. My husband has to teachEnglish for living after he got laid off. He hates that job very much but whatcan he do? He is native in English and he doesn’t speak any Chinese nor Indianlanguage. He is not IT field, so with that background, it is very hard to getany job. Lucky, he got his first job after 6mth.

As I said, it is easy to migratethrough marriage because one of them will have no problem to get job. In HK, Ihave to keep telling my husband don’t worried about getting a job as I cansupport the family. However, when we first landed to Canada, we have no clues what willhappen to us and who can support us. You may say why you choose that? Myhusband is Indian and you know how HK people look down dark people, right? Everydayhe can tell me about how HK people treat him badly and he cannot develop hiscareer there. The only option to make him happy is to bring him to westernworld.

Remember I told you that I don’t likeAustralia?My sister is there and because of that, I choose not to migrate as I may end uphaving a sad story similar to yours. I went to Australia to study because mysister married to an Aussie and they bought a house, in fact, my mom paid forthe house. At that time my younger brother was studying in Monash and I decidedto go because I thought I don’t need to spend too much since my sister is there.It is not true. She asked me to pay rent and it is from the date I arrived.FYI, our whole family went there to attend her wedding and then drive to SYD,BNE, Canberrafor vacation. She only told me after my family left. During I was there, my BILopenly told me that he doesn’t like me to stay with them. See, although youwere suffered in your relatives’s house, you don’t need to pay and they don’t openlytell you they hate you to be with them!

3.5yrs in Australia mademe become outspoken and brave.

Nillie_Mami

Xother,
something i did not say.. is about money.
when the period I lived with my BIL, we paid half of his mortage every month during the period of stay and also, all the gas and electric bills etc.
the house which my BIL's living, my husband is the one who paid the down payment.
my husband got 9 bro and sis, 7 of them still owe my husband money... none of them plan to return a cent.
When Amanda turns one, my husband's elder sister stole the stamp of my husband company, and use her signature to sell it (the company and our factory). while we were visiting in hk those weeks. Then she took the money and disappeared. 99 blamed me so badly, she said because of me, so my elder SIL got the chance to help my husband to take care of his business when we travelled, and that made her become greedy and stole our company..
What the Heaven is that.. ? that lady stole our company and that is my fault?
because of that, I need to study at home and prepare for my license exam because we got no money. (all savings we used for the house --we paid cash so we don't need to have mortage)..
My husband was down in the hell for 19 months since company was stolen.
you bet my life is easy.. then.. God know.

as you said that your English is not good, how can you communicate with your husband as he can't speak chinese and indo??

haha.. should we all move to my forum in full time mom
請跟我一起同世界各地媽咪分享異居海外的心聲 part 5
http://forum.baby-kingdom.com/viewthread.php?tid=924951&extra=page%3D1
as it is a bit off the topic..

原文章由 xother 於 08-3-23 02:38 AM 發表
Hi Nilliemami,
As I said before, you are very good in Chinese and I wishyou can pass that to Amanda. It is a very sad story and I admire how much youhave to tolerate.

I compare your every single po ...

[ 本文章最後由 Nillie_Mami 於 08-3-23 06:59 編輯 ]

Nillie_Mami

kidlittle1,
yeh.. you are right, we are similar.. and I am kind of similar to Xother's case as well..

Eric can't find a job in Melbourne, when we lost our company.. and we know we couldn't survive in hk, so I know.. I can only stay in NYC. therefore, I went to get my license here. my nursing school principle said that I am a good student, as she tried to take the US NCLEX, she failed.. and I got a pass on it.. (I did not study in US at all.. so I need to spend a lot of efford to read and do all passed exam paper). 我只可以用破釜沈舟嚟形容..

Xother,
you believe my chinese is good.. actually, my husband is the one with better chinese base. he reads三國演義.. I only use writing board to write in chinese, plus, at the beginning I wrote chinese in bk, my husband is the one who sat beside me, and taught me how to write in chinese.
Be honest, I hate chinese, I can't figure out the chinese character as I have 讀寫障礙.. Study a language or a subject for me.. is XXXtimes harder than others.
I am glad that my IQ is low, so I have better EQ to overcome it.

原文章由 Nillie_Mami 於 08-3-23 06:53 AM 發表
Xother,
something i did not say.. is about money.
when the period I lived with my BIL, we paid half of his mortage every month during the period of stay and also, all the gas and electric bills etc.
...

xother

Nilliemami,

Something I dont understand you, you are a fighter but you never fight for your situation in your family. If you pay rent to your BIL, why you cannot cook and use heating? Why your MIL can say they gave you favor by keeping you? If the rent decent? Lower or higher than market priceif you share similar house? You mention the house is close to 0C, but even we have snow in Canada and our house is about 15C lowest without any heating...I know because we just came back from HK and the whole house is freezing. I guess it shouldnt be that low in any situation. Or the house is damaged?
I remembered you mention your husband is working in family business, so do I. My family has business but I left them because I want to see the world. I dont want to stuck in the same place and I know it is very hard to separate the money since he has so many brothers and sisters. I never calculate money between my brothers and sisters and I have total of 6 brothers and sisters in my family. If your SIL steal the company,do you guys going to do something? I assume it is a big money and what made you stop to call the police? Where is she now?

Your life is not in hell as you have a house. We always say having a house is the primary goal in life as it keeps you save. I wish I can get rid of my mortgage and I will be in better financial position.

One more thing I dont understand is about your husband. It seems he never stand up for you. I guess he is native English and very good in Chinese, so he should be able to survive in Australia as well as in HK.Why he cannot scarify himself to live in overseas? He has business and he has money, why he cannot rent out a house instead let you suffer so much? All your suffered can be avoided if he rent a separate house,right?

Like I said my husband is my soul mate, he understand me very well. I dont need to speak very good English as he can guess what I want to say. He is very good to me as he will hold my hands to watch TV and explains what is happening. Sometimes I feel annoy as it is too complicated to understand, eg, comedy channel is the one I never watch but he likes it very much. . I only live in Australia for 3.5yrs and when I first arrived in Melboure, I didnt understand any single word
they said! See, you can imagine what level of my English. Then 4yrs in HK, I didnt use my English except to communicate with him. We always fight to watch different channels as I dont understand Pearl. Till now,I still need to read subtitle when I watch TV. My daughter is starting to correct my pronunciation  and she is just in kindergarten!

If you can fight with your husband's relative as hard as how you do in exam, then you shouldnt suffer so much. I am a fighter too. I fight to leave my family business and work somewhere else. I fight to leave my sister's house in Australia.I also fight with my in-law when they annoy me, My husband doesnt mind as he knows that is my character.

[ 本文章最後由 xother 於 08-3-24 07:38 編輯 ]

xother

I think this is the right place to post as I always want to share my stories to those intend to migrate overseas. It is not easy to adapt to a new place especially if for those who has certain expectation in life. For our children, it is not always good for them to grow up in western world as there are pros and cons. Yes, people tend to write how good they are and hide about the sad stories and how hard they struggle to come up in their lives.

Nillie_Mami

I am not a fighter, not at all.
I will not argue with anybody with has no related to me..  like his bro and sis.
The business is my husband's business, not family business at all.. my husband saved the money and operated that company by himself.
Native speaking in American English doesn't mean that he can communicate with people in Australia. He spent 5 mins at the counter in Mac Donald but not even able to ask for a cup of coke because of the accent.
he has no degree, what he can do in other country?
to be a security guard for the housing department?
he doesn't able to stand for me in front of his family, doesn't mean that he doesn't care and love me. why you have to say something like that.. ? that's really hurt me indeed.
I guess, we are not on the same boat.
my husband did say that I am so silly to explain everything in this forum.. as I did nothing wrong and no need to be judge by others. as long as I know my decision is right, got a nice husband, with 2 lovely children, and friends who understand me here in BK.
anyway, nice to chat with you.. have a nice day.
to leave this forum.. because I can't stand anyone say anything which hurting my husband.
He is not strong enough to stand for me in front of his family and that made him feels bad enough. Can't anyone just stopping "stepping over his dignity".
Psychological and physical abuse were what he faced for 37 years before he got married with me.
I will not let him down.

原文章由 xother 於 08-3-23 06:34 PM 發表
Nilliemami,

Something I dont understand you, you are a fighter but you never fight for your situation in your family. If you pay rent to your BIL, why you cannot cook and use heating? Why your MIL ca ...

xother

Nilliemami,
I just quote what you have written before.--見你個個message 咁怒氣沖沖, 死好多細胞架
You mentioned your husband is made in HK, so...香港人能屈能伸, 天生出嚟係遇強越強...

then 我爸爸講過... 只有你唔想去/唔想留低喺嗰個地方, 你就會揾到excuse 話嗰喥唔好.. 所以, 我會努力去揾我留低嘅原因同好處,做人正面同積極啲好啲.

Australians do speak English, yes, they have accent. It is similar to Mandarin, Mainlander, Taiwanese, Singaporens all speak Mandarin with different accent and slang, do they understand each other?

I was admired by how you struggled to survive in Australia and re-qualified yourself to be a nurse in US and sorry if I cannot  hear more stories from you.   

Fight....for my definitition, it doesnt mean verbally or physically, it is alternate way to make your life better.

Sorry if I hurt your feeling and understand it is hard for your husband to choose wife or parent.

Good luck on you and hope to see you at other forum.
I

PoohPoohMaMa

Hi Nillie_mami,

I do remember your story when I read it a few years ago. I still think of you from time to time.  I am glad that you have your new life.

US/Canada is a place that you don't rely on others. Government have many resources to help the immigrants.

I wish you and your family have a bright future!

原文章由 Nillie_Mami 於 08-3-22 21:36 發表
2003年6月初,那天晚上,在JFK機塲下機,提著大包小包的行李,跟在丈夫的背後,是懷着快二十七周身孕的我.,帶著有點不安和疲累的我..心想..終於到達美國了.之後便要在這裡生活,心裡帶着的只有忐忑不安四個字。
一到奶奶的 ...

chelsea

Nillie_mami,

Yes, year 2003 is definitely a memorable year for me too as this is a SARS year and my younger son born too.  My boy born in May, 2003, what month is yours?

I guess everyone of us has a dark side of life and how we tackle to it.   To look at the positive side, this is the legend you might want to share with the kid and the strength and courage to pass every single day when the sun rises.

Bad time will definitely gone but in what mood and attitude is another issue.  

I am an adopted girl in a boys family and migrate to Australia to build my own family, I further my postgraduate study and get married there and return to Hong Kong.  Hoping one day to return to Sydney where I used to stay.  Both places have pros and cons and importantly is the family I have created are with me and definitely I make/path them growth with me.

Nice to know you and shared the story with me.

Chelsea

chelsea

xother,

Worst time will be over but you could manage it shorter and the way to deal with it.

Whoever you marry is totally up to you and none of others business, this is the man you love and dare to anyone who criticize to it.
As you have mentioned you are a simple person, yes, that’s true, a complete family, now you have it and a steady income then make the perfect match to it.
You can manage your own life no matter rich or not but a healthy and happy family.

You can mould your kid to the way you expect and path the way he can handle.
He will not be alone as you are with him and walk with him.

I am Catholic and I will pray for you that you and your family have a happy life everyday.
Be optimistic, it’s like a flu and people can feel it, be happy, be yourself.

Have a great weekend!

Chelsea

xother

chelsea  

I am not a negative person but since I withnessed so many skilled immigrants cannot get back to their professional and have to work as a labour worker, it is very sad.
No perfect place for education.....Why so many people give up public school and send kids to private school?  Recently I just transferred my daughter to different kindergarten as I can see how bad a school can affect my daughter. Although it is still public school, it is much better than the previous one and my daughter is much happier now. By the way, her classs is combine with kindergarten and Grade 1 kids.

As a typical working class in Canada, I cannot afford to hire a maid, I cannot put her in private school and I cannot afford to buy a house in the West-end where all rich people live, so I just try my best to give the best support for my children.

chelsea

xother,

It's good to see your posting and peace of mind.  Never give up on anything until you have put your effort to it.

I agreed your comment as to witness so many skilled immigrants cannot get back to their professional and have to work as a labor worker, it is very sad, I also heard that too.  That's nothing wrong but lack of luck, but once be the Hong Kong Chinese, I guess we maintain the flexibility and creativity one might evolve into other business, when the opportunity comes, practice the profession again.

I am sure you have made the comparison of the pros and cons of the school and are the most fit for her.  I am also a typical working class in Hong Kong, and independent financial of the married couple, wishful thinking to have the A-grade standard of living or the study for the boys, in reality we know it can't practice now and we have to settle the 2nd best.

Hope you get what I mean, situation will improve and this is just a temporarily for you, be strong and stay strong, worst/not nicer time will slip thru your fingers.

Chelsea

xother

Chelsea,all my hard time has gone....**touch wood** and I dont understand what you want to tell me from your message. I am a very simple person and I have very happy what I have now, a happy family and most of all, I wish my husband can really achieve something in his life. Last year he already got a "best employee of the year" among his organisation. This year he also got a "supreme performance" and hope he can get a good salary raise.  Anyway, do you mind to share your story with us? You mentioned you have migrated to overseas and back to HK, did you ever regret?

chelsea

xother,

Okay, since everything is fine then I might get the wrong idea that you feel depress, no need to encourage in any sense.

Of course no regret, no matter it's migrate or overseas study, it'll be a great time to explore the culture, mindset and style to handle the matter.  I am glad I studied, married and lived in overseas which made the current "me" now.  I have taken over the US position to work as a global advisor in the MNC which can boarden the scope of work and experience.  I am happy to return to my homeland for which my parent is here.

Chelsea

原文章由 xother 於 08-4-10 06:35 發表
Chelsea,all my hard time has gone....**touch wood** and I dont understand what you want to tell me from your message. I am a very simple person and I have very happy what I have now, a happy family an ...

xother

chelsea ,
I am a simple person and that's why I am happy what I have.

Just wonder did you leave Australia before you have kids?  Do you have any plan to go back due to your kid's education?

Yes, I like the experience to study aboard as it really open my eyes to see the world. However, migrate is a serious issue as it is permanent while study is temporary. Like the Chinese saying...."remove with the root". I can understand people migrate due to the fear of political reason but nowadays everyone is looking at China, why people still so desperate to go overseas? Some even willing to separate from the spouse in order to support the family. Or ask the overseas relative to look after? Is western education really that good?

To be honest, I like to live in HK and I dont mind to put my children in local school as that is how I grown up. "Practice makes perfect" as that is how I see the foundation of Asian education.

I like your quote.--Both places have pros and cons and importantly is the family I have created are with me and definitely I make/path them growth with me.

[ 本文章最後由 xother 於 08-4-11 15:10 編輯 ]