家庭成就

Hellomummy

近日開學在即, 心情越發緊張, 手拿來了一篇文章, 發人深省, 希望在此分享以作為家長的共勉  

[size=small]<<<家庭成就>>>

一個有關文化差異的固有觀念, 是中國人家庭很重視子女的學業, 父母甚至作出極大的犧牲, 給子女供書教學, 期望他們他朝有成, 光宗耀祖, 子女的成就便是自己的成就; 或視子女教育為長遠投資, 及養兒防老的最佳保障, 一旦子女事業有成便兌現回報. 當然, 亦有一些父母視教育為開發思想的途徑, 可終生受用, 是給子女的最好禮物.

不少父母追捧天才兒童, 多元智能的神話, 時不時把子女與他人比較(或在子女之間比較, 造成妒忌). 每天家庭溝通的主題, 多圍繞學業成績或別人的成就. 有效的可激發鞭策子女向上爬, 這些方法失效時便會構成不少心理壓力; 沒有或暫未發掘到讀書天份的, 或未能發揮一己所長時, 便需吃力地滿足父母的期望.

一些父母恐防子女失控, 實行心理控制, 例如利用"內咎法"作為管束子女的手段, 隱晦的如:"看我曾為你犧牲了許多, 你還不為我做丁點事情?"; 常見的亦包括指責, 羞辱, 或列舉過往的"罪狀"; 或利用排擠.恐嚇踢出家門等; 嚴重的甚至以死相諫, 造成悲劇, 使對方內疚終身.

有些病態家庭經常引發不健康的內疚, 來操控對方的行為, 以滿足一己的需要. 過多的內疚只會令人癱瘓乏力, 建基於內疚的親子關係, 關係質素較差. 父母愈加操控, 子女更會把問題內化.抑壓, 變成焦慮.抑鬱; 或適得其反, 引致嬲怒, 反感及更反叛.

在華洋離處的香港社會, 家長和青少年經歷過不同的文化衝擊, 溝通方面容易出現問題. 青少年可嘗試欣賞傳統的價值, 去蕪存菁, 但家長亦需持開放態度, 與時並進, 求同存異. 家庭不斷學習成長, 各人都擁有身心健康, 已經是最大的家庭成就. (二OO三年八月六日)

節錄於<<新時代的焦慮~心理自處之道>>一書. P.194

bighug

babysharen

navigator

Hellomummy,
Thanks for your share. It is damn true! Now my kids are small, I still have a long way to walk with them. However, ocassionally I do find a problem to deal with them that makes me very headache and fussy. I just could not imagine if they grow bigger when a big problem comes in future. Being a true love to them, I really don't want whatsoever kinds of rewards from them in case they could success in future. What I want to do now is to try my utmost helping them to get wisdoms in all aspects so as most likely that they will have a happy life in future. I think that most of parents here may share a same point of view with me but the problem is we sometimes are not that smart enough to find a proper way to deal with our kids accordingly. As a matter of fact, we are really not an expert in this regard!
Regards,
navigator