DSE English writing請幫忙評級

上善若水

3. Learning English through Social Issues

Some people believe that filming movies in the city centre should not be allowed. Others support it. Write a letter to the editor of the Hong Kong Daily giving your opinions. Provide three reasons to supprot your point of view.

Dear Editor,

        I am writing to express my opinion on whether filming should be allowed in city centers.  It’s currently a rather heated topic, and various parties have given their stance on this matter.  For me, I’d say that filming should be allowed in city centers.

        I’m sure that most Hong Kong citizens have watched movies or dramas filmed in Hong Kong.  The shouts of recognition when the audience realises that they’ve been to those very places recently is rather familiar to my ears.  It is the familiar landmarks that further captivate and engage audience.  This creates a sense of active participation in watching TV, an activity that is definitely passive, as they have a feeling that they’ve living in the same world where the storyline is taking place.  Imagine if movies can only be filmed either in movie sets or less familiar borders of cities.  It certainly would deprive the audience their chance of any participation to watching TV dramas and movies.

        Moreover, there lies the crucial issue of practicality. If filming isn’t allowed in city centers, many movies will require movie sets to be built for scenes featuring busy streets or prominent landmarks.  Not every film has the budget of a Hollywood movie, and a ban on filming in city centers would greatly increase the financial burden to film a movie, discouraging the movie industry’s development.  The severe problem alone makes it absurd to ban filming from city centers.

        Another notable point is that movies present a city or country to audience of other countries.  For people who’ve never been to a certain place, movies filmed there would mold their impression of that place.  If filming is banned from city centers, movies would fail to reveal the truest aspects and appearance of the city.  An incomplete picture of the city would be formed in the audience’s minds.  That might not be beneficial to the city’s tourism and commercial development.

        Some might say that filming in city centers causes hindrances and inconvenience to citizens’ lives, but in my opinion that cannot compare to the development of the movie industry and the reputation of the city itself, and it is a small price to pay for greater good to the general public.

        Thus, I think that filming should be allowed in city centers.  Thank you for taking your time to read my letter, and I hope that my opinion can be contributive to this issue.  Thank you.

Yours sincerely,



Chris Wong

上善若水

阿囡F.3, 呢篇作文係我今日被佢既功課，我被嗮所有題目佢，最後佢揀咗最唔擅長的議論文，前后用咗75分鐘，我自己就好唔满意。又令佢明白一様嘢，揀題係幾咁重要。

上善若水

佢D point牽強到，唉...我唔知睇完佢封信件既人，明唔明佢想表逹D咩,一句説話：都係懶醒惹的禍

Bluegene

F3寫出篇文巳好叻，要一讚。我覺得用字可改善。有些地方用字太formal及意思重覆，句子太長令人混淆意思。

dubbies

內容不評，但組織看似背誦罐頭signpost咁

MC1128

若果想了解吓考評局的評核方式,以及甚麼水平的考卷可以得到幾多級成績,可參考考評局網頁,有示範試卷

上善若水

多謝咁多位意見，我叫佢自己上來睇。

clarrisa_elf

should use yours faithfully instead of yours sincerely

王家爸爸

上善若水 發表於 14-4-12 18:38
佢D point牽強到，唉...我唔知睇完佢封信件既人，明唔明佢想表逹D咩,一句説話：都係懶醒惹的禍 ...

建議用mindmap來組織思路。

natalie0316

this is a formal letter, you should avoid using signpost such as "i'm"

HeiHayley

以中三的程度來說還算不錯，但尚未達DSE 的高分水平。
首先有如post主所講，文章的論點的確比較弱。第一點和第三點本來可以是兩個論點，但文章的elaboration令兩個points看起來十分類似，而第二點則是最弱一點。其次，如上有人所述，有些句子太長令人混淆意思，而有些字也被重複運用了。例如This creates a sense of active participation in watching TV, an activity that is definitely passive, as they have a feeling that they’ve living in the same world where the storyline is taking place. 這句就比較累贅，要人多看兩三遍才理解。
要提高分數，最好在文章裡加上例子，例如Batman the Dark Knight 便是在香港取景的,然後再用例子解釋允許在香港取景的好處。 另外，文章的開首也要改善，這樣太平淡了，應要一開始就grab the readers' attention.例如多用問題等。文章的organisation也有進步空間，最後兩段轉換之間的topic sentence and conclusion要讓人覺得有關聯，有呼應。此外，文章的收結也有點奇怪。一來沒有總結全文，二來letter to the editor不該出現:Thank you for taking your time to read my letter, and I hope that my opinion can be contributive to this issue.  Thank you.本來寫信給editor原意就是要發表自己意見。
文章中有嘗試用不同snetence pattern或較advance 的vocabs,但用起來感覺不過自然，予人背文或補過習的感覺。
但當然，作為中三的水平來講，這樣還是不錯的，還有三年時間可以慢慢進步至DSE所要的水平，看她資質也不錯，應該多練習可以的!

ANChan59

原帖由 上善若水 於 14-04-12 發表
本帖最後由 上善若水 於 14-4-12 18:15 編輯

3. Learning English through Social Issues

出於好奇，你 post 她的作文之前，是否得她同意？