可否幫我改一改？謝謝

亞迎

topic : my mother bought a little puppy (P.5)

Last week, I walked along the road after school. I saw a dog very cute in the pet
shop. I hope I can buy it. When I arrived home, I told mum that I wanted to buy
a dog. But she won't bought because she didn't like it.
Next day, I heard a dog bark from my home. I ran into home. I was amazing.
My mother said that this  was your birthday present.
It has a short tail, his fur is golden and a pairs of small eyes. I wash him once a
week. I take for a walk in the park everynight.
I feel my dog is my best friend because it always accompany with me when I
stay at home.
I decide I will take good care of it forever

Mighty

Last week, when I was walking along the road after school I saw a very cute dog in the pet shop.  I was hoping I could buy it.  When I arrived home, I told mum that I wanted to buy a dog but she did not want to buy it because she did not like pets.  Next day, I heard a dog barking from inside my house.  I ran inside.  I was amazed.  
My mother said that it was my birthday present.  He has a short tail, his fur is golden and he has a pair of small eyes.  I wash him once a week and I take him for a walk in the park every night.  I feel my dog is my best friend because he is always my company when I stay at home.  I promise I will take good care of him forever.

shadeslayer

原帖由 亞迎 於 13-03-09 發表
topic : my mother bought a little puppy (P.5)

Last week, I walked along the road after school. I sa ...

Let the teacher do the correction. If you copy the best article from here, the teacher will not know what are the good and bad of your child's writing.

Why would you want that?  Just a few more marks?  You want to keep doing that until when?

miriam

功課留返老師改.

家長幫小朋友執到 "正一正, 靚一靚" 會害左佢地架.

老師唔改點知小朋友進度係點, 有咩唔識, 詞語運用有咩問題, 執到咁靚返去老師當佢識晒或超班, 到考試時先發現事實並非如此, 要補救會浪費更多時間.

Mighty

但我知道有個SITUATION係老師給功課後、不改的、只是想学生写下。　我間学校係GUM.　如果這個状況、我覚得家長問下、請教下、無MAAK所謂。　出便比人改、好貴架、当然如果如果是用来「握」先生、就５ARM。　

Radiomama

就算改都應該留比學生自己做proof read及edit, 我就是這樣教仔仔的。試過為參加比賽，他在自己一篇文修改了三次，這個學習過程好重要。

shadeslayer

原帖由 Mighty 於 13-03-10 發表
本帖最後由 Mighty 於 13-3-10 04:41 編輯

但我知道有個SITUATION係老師給功課後、不改的、只是想学生写 ...

What would you get from parents here in EK? I am not saying your correction is no good, but in general who do you trust, really? Who is going to tell you why certain way of writing is better?  

Leave it to the professionals is my advice.

Mighty

以上所有楼主講的都是正確的、好似RADIOMAMA講、応該由学生自行PROOF READ＆EDIT,但問題在如文章裏有一句「I　WAS　AMAZING」、寸字没錯、所以学生無論点様PROOF　READ或EDIT都不知錯在哪裏、一定要有ADVICE、才知道如何錯。　正如我解釈、有D功果是没有老師改的、RADIOMAMA的小朋友好似讀RC、対MA？　不知READING　JOURNAL老師会不会改、我女女的就老師不会改、我偶然会看看女女写的、普通的文法上的錯誤、我会教下、但不会将文章編成PERFECT.　所以建議出THREAD楼主可用我的文章作参考、例如解釈為何不用I　WAS　AMAZING等等。　回覆SHADESLAYER、都係個句、老師改就没問題、只是may be this piece of work will not be corrected by the teacher...。PROFESSIONAL、、這辺也是PROFESSIONAL　BOR.　HAHAHA

shadeslayer

原帖由 Mighty 於 13-03-10 發表
以上所有楼主講的都是正確的、好似RADIOMAMA講、応該由学生自行PROOF READ＆EDIT,但問題在如文章裏有一句「 ...

Even if this is not corrected by the teacher, I am saying posting a request here is futile. Imagine I post a different correction which is very different from yours. Radiomama  post yet another different version without explanation, then what?

If the parent understood the difference between I am amazing and I am amazed, he/she would have already corrected the mistake before posting.

Mighty

算LA,不要再責怪這父母了、看他没有対各位批判作出反応、可能他収到了大家的訊息架LA.　

亞迎

各位媽媽：其實這不是學校功課，是我給小朋友做的！因為他曾出去學英文作文，沒有進步，所以我給他作文，但我又不識改，希望各位有識之仕能給我改後，我給他看有何地方錯，等他了解自己錯的地方！謝謝各位

Mighty

完全明白。　其実我地不応該太早下決定去批判任何人。　錯的地方是基本的錯誤、但如果MUMMY不識解釈、小朋友都是難明白的。　還是有人/老師解釈才可以。

bo2012

亞迎 發表於 13-3-10 18:46
各位媽媽：其實這不是學校功課，是我給小朋友做的！因為他曾出去學英文作文，沒有進步，所以我給他作文，但 ...

我認同樓上所講, 學校功課執到靚一靚反而係害左佢.

但我buy 你呢位家長ge 做法 -- 要小朋友作文.


Last week, I walked along the road after school. I saw a dog very cute in the pet
shop. I hope I can buy it. When I arrived home, I told mum that I wanted to buy
a dog. But she won't bought because she didn't like it.


- road 同 street  嚴格黎講有分別
- "very cute" 擺位
- bark --> barking

Next day, I heard a dog bark from my home. I ran into home. I was amazing.
My mother saidthat this was your birthday present.

- home vs house
- amazing vs amazed : 2個都係adj.  邊個形容特徵, 邊個形容感受?
- reported speech 用"this"?

It has a short tail, his fur is golden and a pairs of small eyes. I wash him once a
week. I take for a walk in the park everynight.

- comma vs full stop

I feel my dog is my best friend because it always accompany with me when I
stay at home.

-accompany me

I decideI will take good care of it forever



藍字 = grammar
喺呢個 level (pt) 比較重要
我就評左呢部分

斜字 + 底線 = 有待潤飾

shadeslayer

原帖由 bo2012 於 13-03-11 發表
本帖最後由 bo2012 於 13-3-11 00:22 編輯

- bark --> barking

Next day, I heard a dog bark from my home. I ran into home. I was amazing.

Xxxxxxx

I have seen many sentences not written by me with the structure "I heard a dog bark..." and both bark and barking should be correct.

You see, this is the problem. We are parents, not English teachers, except a few who are both parents and English teacher.  What should the P5 student do if he/she see all the disagreement an confusing comments here.

Again, get a good teacher.

bo2012

both bark and barking should be correct.
呢個講法令我諗起小學生果d fill in the blanks.
“同學, 呢個表入面ge 動詞係可以跟bare infinitive 同gerund 架, 你地要記熟呀”

然後就將呢個準則放喺評寫作. 我想講, 用bark 定barking, 意思係有分別.
寫文唔係要有上文下理架咩? 乜grammar 呢part 可以獨立從文章入面拆開?

要去講hear 後面配咩字grammar 岩, 我諗唔需要出動老師, 中學生都識講, 甚至連同班成績最好ge 同學都識答.

幾時開始評文會變成針對最基本ge 文法? 定係你將作文同評文ge 準則定得太低 – 網上有個唔知喺邊度彈出黎ge small potato, 明明grammar 岩都照改, 仲唔係冇料?

咁我大約推算到, 你心目中果個神聖不可侵犯ge ”good teacher", 程度究竟去到邊.



p.s.
當要評論某個人ge 做法, 原來有人係可以唔睇背後ge 出發點.

媽媽想小朋友學好啲英文, 要佢額外寫文章, 但又苦惱緊唔知點評, 應該都會幾愛莫能助.  我又唔覺得放篇文上網問意見有咩唔妥, 而家佢請槍咩?  學校老師老奉要一次又一次幫學生睇文?  定係果位 (果d) 頂住好大個金漆招牌 ge good teacher 根本就已經畀時代淘汱, 唔識上網?

有人話想問意見應該就直接專業人士, 拋得出呢句話ge 何嘗唔係已經畀緊意見?


又有人畀完所謂意見之後, 無視樓上一早已有ge相同改法, 喺之後果個new comer 9個points 入面, 摷出1個 自以為必中致命傷, 哈, 反對我丫拿. 你今次仲唔死?

Sorry, 我睇唔到有人立心想幫拖, 我只係睇到有個人, 眼中容納唔到一粒沙 (異己份子?) 想除之而後快, 以肯定自己ge諗法.

呢d 算唔算係super-ego ge 完美演繹?

Mighty

ＷＯＷ，両位有過節亜、ＧＵＭ激ＧＥ！！　其実洗ＭＡＡＫ ＧＵＭ完美ＡＨ．　琴日大家有無ＷＡＴＣＨ　ＰＥＡＲＬ　ＲＥＰＯＲＴ亜、有位女士接受訪問、Ｄ港式英文簡直ＨＡＡＫ死人、但原来係某某大学的講師（ＯＲ　ＭＡＹ　ＢＥ　ＥＶＥＮ　ＰＲＯＦＥＳＳＯＲ）、Ｄ英文都係這様子。　何必対這小朋友的作文要求完美ＡＨ．　只要他能従中学識幾点基本錯処、ＯＫ架ＬＡ．　ＰＥＡＲＬ　ＲＥＰＯＲＴ訪問個位女士的両位小朋友都被ＨＡＲＲＯＷ取録、哥哥的英文還可以、但弟弟的就、、、、ＭＡＤＥ　ＭＥ　ＴＨＩＮＫ真係銭是万能的。　So chill out mate.

shadeslayer

原帖由 bo2012 於 13-03-12 發表
本帖最後由 bo2012 於 13-3-12 08:41 編輯

both bark and barking should be correct.

你想多了。我沒有話你錯，沒有話一定要 bark 才啱。我只帶出，改英文要解釋，唔係小朋友點明。post 成遍文叫網友改，只會有幾遍不同的，又沒有解釋好的評文，媽咪唔識，只好全部給孩子看，他有甚麼得益？孩子看完你我的意見後學會 hear the dog bark or hear the dog barking 的分別嗎？

英文基準試其中一類教師覺得難的題目正是「評改」。

shadeslayer

原帖由 Mighty 於 13-03-12 發表
ＷＯＷ，両位有過節亜、ＧＵＭ激ＧＥ！！　其実洗ＭＡＡＫ ＧＵＭ完美ＡＨ．　琴日大家有無ＷＡＴＣＨ　Ｐ ...

咁我要看看，thanks.

亞迎

對不起，因我的事而令兩位樓主有誤會！
BO2012: 我真的有你想法！愛莫能助我想小朋友學好啲英文, 要佢額外寫文章, 但又苦惱緊唔知點評, 幾愛莫能助.

我能夠POST上來，有人幫我解答，我已經好開心！多謝！我不是要小朋友好叻，但能夠放膽寫完一篇英文作文，已經好好！因為學校很小有作文。我小朋友中、英文作文都比較弱，我認為作得多、寫得多必有進步！

還有找好老師補習，我想好的老師收費一定不便宜，我家庭經濟上付擔不起！我覺得如果網上有人肯將我POST 上來的作文改一改，我已經好多謝！

亞迎

還有我會將你們為我改的文章印出來，給小朋友看，可以提醒他的錯處！再有不明白，我會叫小朋友回學校問老師點解！

如果你們認為一定要找補習老師先可行，萬事都要錢、錢、錢！
我想我這個方法已用了我最大的能力幫助他！`謝謝你們！