有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

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發表於 06-3-28 15:25 |只看該作者

各位mami,如已有個自閉症傾向的小孩子，會想再度有baby 嗎？？？看着孩子慢慢的長大，老公和我也希望再有一個.......BUT ..... 又害怕..... 請分享

Bear-bear

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發表於 06-3-28 23:51 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

我和老公商量過, 最後决定唔追, 寧願集中時間和金錢幫阿仔。

pamam

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發表於 06-3-29 15:45 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

Angelchow,

My elder son is Asperger and I believe my younger son is normal(can't for sure yet, he is only 3).

My case is a bit different from yours because when I was pregnant with my second son, I knew there was something strange about my elder son, but we were just suspecting, we only confirmed it when my second son was 1. After that, I started worrying about my second son having AF too as he didn't talk too much and his eyes contact wasn't good. I had lots of sleepless nights. But now I believe he is normal,  at least his teachers think so too.

I am very glad that I have 2 kids, I know some moms may think I am unfair or even selfish, but I do hope my younger son would help his elder brother in some way and continue to do it when they grow older...especially when I am too old or dead.

I don't know the exact statistic of having 2 special kids in 1 family, it  does happen but it is not that common I believe. The most important thing is you and your hushand are well-prepared both mentally and financially. Just hope for the best!

Pamam

chanchanboy

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發表於 06-3-29 22:23 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

Same.

Bear-bear 寫道:
我和老公商量過, 最後决定唔追, 寧願集中時間和金錢幫阿仔。

Carson's birthday in January 2000.

fionshum

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發表於 06-3-30 11:08 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

我有呀 !
細佬現 2 歲幾, 正常.

大仔就快 6 歲, 同細佬講野越來越多.
以前佢真係無乜聲出.

sjmama

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發表於 06-3-30 11:59 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

我原本不想影響你們, 但我覺得還是應把我們的情況給你參考.

我們有兩個特殊兒。我的大兒現在7歲是自閉症，語言發展遲緩較嚴重，智力是有限度或輕度智障。小女4歲則是輕度發展遲緩或亞士保加症(也是自閉症傾向)。

其實大兒兩歲前的發展，除了語言發展進展稍慢外，其他都正常。四歲多時，我們才知道他是自閉症傾向，那時小女已經1歲多。

如果我早知道兒子的問題，一定不會懷第二個孩子。雖然經過多番努力，然而大兒這兩年的進展，未能追上他的歲齡增長，所以去年初反而被評定為中度自閉症、智力是有限度或輕度智障。

我們也一直密切注意小女的情況，女兒兩歲以前也是發展正常，連語言的發展也正常，智力發展很好。然而，她在兩歲半後，我們注意到她的社交能力弱，情緒控制差…，情況越來越像她哥哥。其實男女患自閉症的比例是四比一，小女結果還是免不了。

照顧兩個特殊兒真是非常吃力，兩個孩子的問題，尤其是情緒，常常互相影響。每天面對兩個孩子各種各樣的問題，都使我們疲於奔命,心力交瘁。可以說, 有兩個特殊兒困難的程度不是雙倍,而是好幾倍。

雖然兩個都是自己的孩子, 我沒有後悔生下他們, 但我也相信,如果只有一個,我們對他們的照顧會好得多!

但願媽媽的眼淚能灌溉寶寶, 讓寶寶茁壯地成長

cwong140

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發表於 06-3-30 14:20 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

Take care of 2 special children is a very hard task, I have one so I knew how's hard of it but on the other hand if the 2nd one is normal can help the special like less speaking will become more talk and when they growth up I think they will take care each other. But I am still struggling a lots and eventually I will not consider. Like some families I can see if the first one is normal it can help a lots of the younger special one.

kk131668

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發表於 06-3-30 22:15 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

Dear sjmama

You really deserved my high respect.

I have a special child and is global developmental delay. It is a very hard task to take care a special child and you have 2.

Do you need to work ?? In my case, if I spend my whole time on my child, I think I'll get mad. In my work place, at least I can take a break.

KK131668

HelloMelody2007

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發表於 06-3-30 23:14 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

sjmama

我很深信照顧兩個特殊兒真是非常非常的
吃力，而且這並不一個簡單的任務。

雖我只有一個AS仔，但巳感到疲於奔命。

sjmama，真的很欽佩你!

Melody

Melody :sleep:

Angelchow

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發表於 06-3-30 23:21 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

Dear Pamam and all mama,

thanks for ur sharing ..... yes, I'm still struggling to have one more child.... coz I see my boy is getting better and better now .... when he was two, his emotional problem always made us "crazy".... he could not speak at moment so i put him to Speech Therapist for nearly 1 year .. ... ok lar..so he started can say some " ball.. pa.. ooo... when he was 3....I put him to Music Therapist .... now always 8 months mmmm..... his emotional problem getting improve..... coz the MT teachs me to let him listen some classical music when he is mad .... my boy change a lot .... soso.... my husband and i desire one more baby ..... ..... may be we are selfish coz we do hope the second child can look after his/her brother ......
.... ........

fionshum

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發表於 06-3-31 01:51 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

係呀 !

我老公成日都話想細佬將來會照顧大佬,
由其是我們去了之後....唉....唔佢將來肯唔肯 :cry:

cwong140

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發表於 06-3-31 09:39 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

kk131668

After I read yr message, I have the same feeling of you and highly respect of taking full time for a special children. It should make you crazy and loose if yr character is not suitable to take care of them. I am struggling a lots since I am not trusting any people to taking my son (maid and father-in-law) and can't attend all training and activities in the school but my husband very against me to taking him alone and he thinks that I need a work instead of just behind at home to take care of children even a normal one. My feeling is so upset but he says right. So this is my upset since I can't control my emotion and maybe my emotion will get worse when I take care of him.

So I think don't insist to put yrself in the dead-end and find out the most suitable life for yrself, like me I am also working hard on my son and find more methods to help him. After I finished my work, I am very happy to stay with him. But on Sat and Sun, sometimes I am very disappointed on him since he is out of control and at the moment I think I need a work.

Relax and think wide.

sjmama

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發表於 06-3-31 11:36 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

kk131668,
我需要工作, 養育兩個特殊兒的費用是天文數字, 不能不工作; 而且正如你所說, 如果長時間對著他們, 很容易鑽牛角尖.
不過, 我也有cwong140一樣的掙扎, 常常想如果是自己帶孩子, 不是用菲傭的話, 孩子的情況會好些, 至少脾氣不會那麼差!

sjmama

kk131668 寫道:
Dear sjmama

You really deserved my high respect.

I have a special child and is global developmental delay. It is a very hard task to take care a special child and you have 2.

Do you need to work ?? In my case, if I spend my whole time on my child, I think I'll get mad. In my work place, at least I can take a break.

KK131668

但願媽媽的眼淚能灌溉寶寶, 讓寶寶茁壯地成長

pamam

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發表於 06-3-31 12:46 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

sjmama,

Actually I thought about you when I wrote my previous post. I always see you as a role model.

Let me share my recent experience with you.

3 weeks ago, I went to my elder son's school outing and had a chance talking to his classmate John, who is the poster boy of his class.....smart, well-mannered, and popular. (When I see kids like that, I couldn't help envying their moms for their luck.)  When John knew I have 2 sons, he told me he has a little brother too but his brother was born with a rare disease and has been in and out of hospital since birth. Now his brother is studying in a special school. John told me he wished his little brother can be in the same school as him so that he can care of him. I was very touched by him.

I know another family through therapy sessions, their elder daughter is AF, global development delay and IQ slightly below average. She looks normal and quite pretty actually. Her parents always worry that other people may take advantage on her so they have to watch her all the time and felt rather exhausted. They thought their younger daughter was normal and smart,  so they were quite pleased and did not put much time and resources on her.........but recently they found out from school that their younger daughter is a gifted child, they told me they felt God is making fun of them. Raising a gifted child is not easy too, the contrast is just too extreme in their family.

The more knowlegable we become, the more worry we got because we understand we can't take it for granted to have a normal healthy baby. Anyone who want to have a kid, whether or not they have had a 'special' kid before,  have to bear some degree of risk too. But if we really want to have another kid so badly that we have to take our chances, just that we need to have enough resources and mentally prepared too. I love children, if I have enough resources, I would like to adopt another kid.

Pamam

思佳媽咪

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發表於 06-3-31 14:21 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

記得這個topic 我們以前也討論過，這都是「賭大細」的問題，任何專家都不會有結論。

雖然沒有正式數據，但阿仔以前的st曾和我說過，據她的經驗，自閉仔大部分是男仔，而如果他們有妹妹的話，那妹妹又異常聰明正常。如果第二個同樣是男仔，有問題的機會較大。這是非正式的統計，也不可作準。像sjmama,便是買大開細，所以也要有心理準備。

我有個17歲的特殊兒子，和一個8歲的正常女兒，女兒聰敏溫順，幾乎是我活下去的希望。想當初下了決心賭這一鋪的時候，也不知是那裡來的勇氣哩！

sjmama

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發表於 06-3-31 16:56 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

Dear Pamam,

Thanks for your sharing!

It's just too difficult to handle two special needs kids; especially they have quite different problems. That means the experience we gain from handling our son may not be useful for handling our daughter. Sometimes I just felt hopeless when I found that even though we tried many different ways/ therapies to help our kids, the same problems still occurred. Both of them are autistic and we’re aging, who can take care of them when we are too old or pass away? ....

pamam 寫道:
The more knowlegable we become, the more worry we got because we understand we can't take it for granted to have a normal healthy baby. Anyone who want to have a kid, whether or not they have had a 'special' kid before, have to bear some degree of risk too. But if we really want to have another kid so badly that we have to take our chances, just that we need to have enough resources and mentally prepared too...

Pamam

Yes, I agree with you. That's why I provided our story for other parents' consideration.

但願媽媽的眼淚能灌溉寶寶, 讓寶寶茁壯地成長

cheungmanwai

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發表於 06-3-31 17:38 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

係呀! 我好同意思佳媽咪講係「賭大細」。有個護士話我知,佢有個不育架親戚, 去社署申請領養bb, 後來發現係自閉兒, 當然冇得退貨, 唯一分別係唔係自己生,個心可能冇甘痛, 但係人係有感情架, 就當係做一件大善事(係做你一生)。所以有個發育正常、健康的小朋友原來係好難得, 唔該d父母唔好再弱待、拋棄小生命。

思佳媽咪寫道:
這都是「賭大細」的問題...

pamam

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發表於 06-3-31 19:00 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

sjmama,

a few months ago, I had a dream, in that, my elder son is a grown up, he looked straight to my eyes and talked to me causally like a normal person. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't stop crying.

I know his life will be tough, I used to worry a lot about his future and sometimes cannot sleep at night because I love him too much. Now I try to alienate my feelings and look at his matter more objectively, think as if he is my cousin, not my son. Thinking that way, I realized no matter whether he is normal or autistiic, he may still get bullied at schools and has a tough time of growing up anyway. Even normal kids can have bad lucks and meet bad people/friends when they grow up. All we can do is try our best to help them in all possible way, but there are always things that we cannot change no matter how hard we try. Just keep our fingers crossed that our special kids would meet some nice people and make their life easier.

Don't think too far ahead, we never know what would happen next. When you are feeling down, come and talk to us, we are all here to support you!

Pamam

markojacey

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發表於 06-3-31 22:23 |只看該作者

Re: 有個自閉症傾向的孩子，Mami會想再度懷孕嗎？

我生細女果時都唔知大仔是有自閉症，當他２歲多時，他讀幼兒園時他的老師發現他比同齡小朋友講嘢慢，叫我去評估。我都唔知佢有自閉症，果時妹妹已經出咗世，得幾個月大，又要照顧個大，又要照顧個細。(雖然我有工人幫下手)。但係我又無呢方面的經驗，初初都好辛苦，要買啲參考書嚟睇同埋聽講座。
之不過哥哥讀咗特殊幼兒中心，同埋妹妹開始讀書和講嘢之后，兒子的能力也大大提升，互相幫助。所以生唔生多個，要看你有否心理和身理的時間多出嚟照顧(無論正常與否。

kk131668