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Asking our children to fulfil our dreams- is it fair?

熱度 6已有 246 次閱讀 13-7-15 11:42 |系統分類:教育

Every year I ask interns/trainees a standard question- why do you want to be a lawyer?

99.9% of them have been drilled to tackle this question by telling you how passionate they are about law, how interesting the law is, etc etc etc.

After securing a training contract, many would answer the same question differently (ie more honestly). Reasons vary, but one recurring theme is "my parents want...". While it may seem like they have "made it", truth is many of these trainees burn out after a few years and leave the industry altogether.

Taking law requires roughly a minimum of 4 years in law school, 1 year in a legal practice course, 1-2 years in training, and many years after to accumulate experience. This could be longer depending on the jurisdiction.

Is this the sort of time (or put simply the golden years of one's life) we should ask our children to invest, unless they are truly interested in law? Is it our right as parents to ask that our children blindly follow our wishes, regardless of their natural preferences?

Do our children choose the path they are on because they want to, or because they want to please us?

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回覆 HKTHK 13-7-15 21:19: Internal vs external motivation. There are some who believe external motivation works but we all know that has an expiration date.

回覆 mesmerising 13-7-15 22:42: HKTHK: Internal vs external motivation. There are some who believe external motivation works but we all know that has an expiration date.
Fulfilling parents' wishes can actually be kind of intrinsic, as it is a pushing force from behind, rather than an attractive pulling force( as with money and other material rewards)

回覆 mesmerising 13-7-15 22:47: I am kind of surprised to see parents' wishes as a recurring answer for these bright and rational young minds.

回覆 HKTHK 13-7-15 22:48: mesmerising: Fulfilling parents' wishes can actually be kind of intrinsic, as it is a pushing force from behind, rather than an attractive pulling force( as with m ...
Actually I don't think that is how it is defined. Satisfying parents' desires or wishes is external to the child and is considered external motivation. It is effectively to satisfy the desire/demand of the parent and not for the learning or enjoyment of competing the task itself.

回覆 mesmerising 13-7-15 22:53: HKTHK: Actually I don't think that is how it is defined. Satisfying parents' desires or wishes is external to the child and is considered external motivatio ...
But for those 孝順ones, satisfying parents wishes is in itself fulfilling, giving them a sense of accomplishment, though an inner drive of a different nature.

回覆 HKTHK 13-7-15 23:06: mesmerising: But for those 孝順ones, satisfying parents wishes is in itself fulfilling, giving them a sense of accomplishment, though an inner drive of a different ...
That is a very dangerous trap! Please don't confuse the two. I tried a quick google to find the relevant literature but only came up with this:

http://www.hhpublishing.com/_onlinecourses/BSL/bsl_demo/bsl/motivation/H4.html

But I am pretty sure that pleasing parents is defined as external motivation even if one were to find the experience fulfilling or satisfying. One has to look to the core reason and ultimately, it is still to satisfy the parents.

回覆 mesmerising 13-7-15 23:16: HKTHK: That is a very dangerous trap! Please don't confuse the two. I tried a quick google to find the relevant literature but only came up with this:

htt ...
Hmmm...let me think...

回覆 mesmerising 13-7-15 23:25: HKTHK: That is a very dangerous trap! Please don't confuse the two. I tried a quick google to find the relevant literature but only came up with this:

htt ...
孝順is a facet of love. And to do something out of love is certainly intrinsic! This is different from pleasing parents for praises.

回覆 HKTHK 13-7-15 23:34: mesmerising: 孝順is a facet of love. And to do something out of love is certainly intrinsic! This is different from pleasing parents for praises.
Let me see if I can dig up some relevant literature. But I am sure you realise that if this position is taken to its logical extreme, then the parent will get their way in every situation!

回覆 mesmerising 13-7-15 23:47: HKTHK: Let me see if I can dig up some relevant literature. But I am sure you realise that if this position is taken to its logical extreme, then the parent ...
Dont worry! 孝順Cannot be forced, it all depends on the children's intrinsic inclination, not much the parents can manipulate.(or as you put it-get their ways)

回覆 whitepenguin 13-7-17 23:43: Unfortunately it can be difficult to separate the two (what the child wants and what the parent wants) and often children are molded into little "mini-me"s, regurgitating the same set of values without real thought or understanding of what those values mean. As to whether that is a good thing or not...

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Asking our children to fulfil our dreams- is it fair?

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