Is it unreasonable to ask "How was my kid today at school"?

Susu922

IS. Kid is approaching 3 yr old.

My boy has been with this teacher for 4 weeks.

This morning after I sent him to school, his teacher stopped me and asked whether I had one minute to talk.  I said yes. Then she said:"Can you tell your helper that, when picking up your kid, don't ask how he is at school?"  

I was shocked by this request.  I told her we as parents would like to know how our kid is.  Teacher replied:"I have 24 kids so I can't answer this type of question. And your helper is asking us - either me or the other teacher every single day."  (2 teachers, 24 kids)

Yes, the school has a communication book and Teacher would write once every two weeks, e.g., when my kid pushed another kid at school. But does that mean the parents shall not ask again when they see the teacher face to face?  

I also noticed for weeks that this teacher seldom has a smile, but I was told that she is very "strict" and good at teaching naughty boys. So I tried to convince myself don't bother.

In addition, 2 weeks ago, she told us "don't let your kid wear pants that has a button on it. He doesn't know how to button his pants after potty". I was not very happy at that time -- aren't teachers supposed to guide a 3 yr old how to improve his independent skills?  At least, she could have delievered this message in a nicer way, e.g., "please teach your kid how to button your pants at home" -- that's what we have been doing at home, and we hope his teacher can reinforce this at school too, as opposed to advising us to avoid buttons!

Am I too harsh on this teacher? I wanted to complain to the school - at least I hope this teacher could offer a smile when she sees the kids, but would that really help? Or apply to transferring to another class?  But there is no guarantee that the next teacher will be better. Besides, every kid sooner or later would meet some teachers that are not suitable for him - we can't transfer class every time so we probably need to face the problem.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?
   

victoryu19

I think the teacher is very rude (personal opinion only).  Seems like she is not a very caring person (i.e. I do my job only and don't bother me with anything else).

Mighty

我覚得問題是問問題個個不是ＰＡＲＥＮＴ本身、是ＨＥＬＰＥＲ！　如果ＨＥＬＰＥＲ毎日都問又真係幾煩。　没有笑容也不可没殺他就不是好老師、可以問下小朋友対老師的感覚、haha...you might be shocked by his answer!! No button trousers please : 為何不可安排一条象筋ＴＲＯＵＳＥＲＳ，想訓練如何ＢＵＴＴＯＮ，叫ＨＥＬＰＥＲ在家教好就ＯＫ了。　No offense...如果為這小事就要転班、日後就係好吾得閒！　If I were you, I will tell the helper not to ask the same question every day.  Also ask your helper to teach your child how to button.  At this young age, it is not because he does not know how to do it.  Most of time it is because his fingers are not strong enough to do it.  

elmostoney

同意mighty所言, 工人日日問真係幾煩.  有d is field trip更講明唔比工人跟, 要跟就係父母.    其實一班24人, 如果個個都諗住叫老師教扣鈕真係做唔到, 除非學校標榜會教埋生活自理, 又或人數好少, 但都要家中配合.  其實呢d日常生活野, 係屋企做effective 好多, 返三個鐘學,一星期最多5日,  24人一班, 老師可以比幾多時間單獨對一個小朋友?  有數得計.

HKTHK

回覆 Susu922 的帖子

If you pick up your child from school everyday, it is of course normal to have a chit chat with the teacher. It is ridiculous to have your maid do it. Call the teacher if you have an issue but why should the teacher report to your maid what happens everyday? You don't ask your secretary to call your parents and ask them how they are everyday either, do you?

Susu922

谢谢楼上两位。

关于“裤子”，我完全赞同让孩子多自己动手的（小朋友其实算独立，2岁多开始自己穿衣服、可以从上到下系衣服的扣子、独立上厕所、冲马桶）。但我不喜欢这位老师讲话的方式，可以提醒家长在家多训练，而不是“避免穿带钮扣的裤子”。正因为不熟练，所以要多练习不是吗？

关于“不要提问”，小朋友之前的老师，每天见面都会笑着打招呼，和小朋友拥抱，我们接孩子时，顺便问一句：“今天表现怎莫样”，老师会用一两句话讲一讲，他很开心，很喜欢某一项活动，今天不听话，今天欺负了小朋友，等等。我们确实从没有想过这会对老师造成负担（之前的老师也跟我们关系很好）。

现在这位老师，很少笑容，刚开学的几天，我问老师“怎莫样”，她的回答通常是“Ok”或者耸耸肩，仅此而已，当时的感觉这位老师比较冷淡。但我没想到这位老师会专门、特地嘱咐家长不要如此询问。

为了让小朋友喜欢这位老师，我们会告诉小朋友“老师很喜欢你，老师告诉我们你是个好孩子”，等等。

但有几次我看着小朋友把他的folder交给老师，满脸的期待，老师淡淡地看他一眼，继续做她自己的事情。我觉得小朋友只是希望一个微笑，一个拥抱，一些肯定。可能是这位老师跟之前老师的反差太大，小朋友现在有些怕这位老师。几次送他上学，他拥抱我告别，眼睛里有泪水（但是没有哭出来），但还是会转身默默地走进教室。我们做家长的看着真是心酸。

虽然今天确实有冲动转班，但仔细想想这可能是小朋友成长过程中应有的磨炼。唯一的希望是这位老师多些笑容，更温暖些。体验老师的难处，见面尽量只打招呼，不发问，或者每周问一两次。小朋友还没有到可以描述他在学校的感受的程度。

beekay

"Every single day....??"  Unless your child has any "special needs", otherwise I personally don't think there's a need to know what's going on with him at the school every day or even every other day.
The teacher will tell you of there's anything require your attention or you may ask once in a while (not be helper and not every single day I guess).
Every parent cares about their children, who doesn't? But I don't think there's so much the teacher could report about YOUR CHILD everyday.

Susu922

HKTHK 發表於 15-2-4 11:40
回覆 Susu922 的帖子

If you pick up your child from school everyday, it is of course normal to have  ...

Point taken. We are working parents, so we send the kid to school but ask our helper to pick him up everyday.

Will try talk to the teacher some time by myself when I send him to school -- but usually the teachers are busy welcoming the kids arriving at the beginning of the class, so tried not to bother her. It is easier talking after the class (when most of the other kids are gone).

Understandable if she is merely not willing to talk to an helper but willing talke to us.   

Mighty

毎個老師都有特点、如不是、学校也不会用他吧。　“裤子”問題、我始終都係個句、換条全像筋裤子就解決掉。　平時在家、就多練習好了、有時真係指力問題。

crystalpui

我女學校係有事先會寫俾家長
無事係可以成年得一次PARENTS DAY先知佢發生咩事,
我女舊年見家長, 老師話佢好OK...基本上即係無咩講......

annie40

回覆 Susu922 的帖子

世事怎会尽人意, 但愿彼此没偏见!

有些人不善词令, 却仍然有当好老师的potential.  偶然给老师写个notes, 解释孩子的感受和情况, 有礼合适的文字比较容易消化,不会因面部来不及反应或言语不当而引出误会.

凡事以孩子为重, 没有解决不了的事!

HKTHK

回覆 Susu922 的帖子

Reset your expectations. Job of teacher is to handhold and take care of kids, not parents. If you want to know what happens in school everyday, ask your child. It is NOT the job of teachers to satisfy your curiosity. If your child has a real issue, e.g. learning disability, accident, sickness, bullying, ...., and if the teacher doesn't let you know, that is an issue. All the things you listed out are so trivial that you should not bother the school or yourself with it.

HKTHK

回覆 Susu922 的帖子

Teachers come in all shapes, forms and attitudes. Do not expect them to conform to you. Rather, try to build a communication channel and style that works for both of you.

elmostoney

日日update家長係好難, 咁多學生, 老師update得邊個?   我見我女兒學校 (小學), 都係有接放學的家長就會問下, 但都不會日日問, 除非係新生, 又或個別問題.  唉! 間中可以問下已好好了, 外邊唔係幾多學校的老師肯成日答的.  去得有規模的學校, 就預左.  以前我兩個細路細時, 特意挑好細規模非主流的中心當幼稚園咁返, 得十個八個學生, 接放學我可以同老師講成半個鐘都冇問題 (當然唔會日日問).  不過一個3 歲的小朋友其實唔太講到係學校做物, 真係要知就係問老師.  所以魚與熊掌, 不能兼得.  去得有規模, 有d名氣嘅, 就預左人數多.  去我以前d冇規模非主流, 又唔係個個家長想呢.

torunpoland

別說天天update, 週週update 都煩，老師請我每週寫一次literacy log，自問也不是每星期有新東西告訴老師，變了兩星期一次。她就因為職責所在，每週一次，不用長篇，說重點就夠。

caa

Think positively that she may actually be a good teacher as she takes questions seriously and refuses to give an insincere answer like "your kid is great, he is fine, etc etc."   

poonseelai

如果日日問個小朋友今日返學點呀，他都會覺得煩

Susu922

谢谢大家从不同角度的回复。

今天早上确实没有站在老师的立场上考虑。我想我今晚会在communication book里写下孩子的表现（有些害怕新老师），提议这位老师可以在下次见到孩子时给他一个温暖微笑或拥抱，帮助他尽快适应这位老师的课堂。

是的，没有尽善尽美，这是我们在孩子教育中随时要提醒自己的。再次谢谢大家。

caa

Susu922 發表於 15-2-4 14:03
谢谢大家从不同角度的回复。

今天早上确实没有站在老师的立场上考虑。我想我今晚会在communication book里 ...

Oh I think better not to suggest the teacher to do anything or give the teacher "advice". You may just tell the teacher your own concern and your own observation of your kid's feeling and/or behavior that you would like your teacher to be aware of.

HKTHK

回覆 Susu922 的帖子

Seriously? You think all teachers need to smile and give warm embrace and to do so at parents' request? How else would you like to insult the teacher? The teacher is not your maid, have some decency and respect their professionalism and personality.