Why praise can be bad for kids

annie40

By ANN PLESHETTE MURPHY and JENNIFER ALLEN
Feb. 15, 2007






"Wow, you got an A without even studying."
"Your drawing is wonderful -- you're my little Picasso."
"Keep it up and you'll be the next Peyton Manning."
If you're like most parents, you offer praise to your children believing it is the key to their success -- those flattering words can boost a child's self-esteem and performance. But according to a new study, praise may do more harm than good.
For the study, researchers divided 128 fifth-graders into groups and gave them a simple IQ test. One group was told it did really well and must be very smart. The other group was told it did really well and must have worked hard. One group was praised for intelligence, the other for effort.
Asked if they wanted to take a slightly harder test, the kids praised for their intelligence were reluctant. Of those praised for their effort, however, 90 percent were eager for a more challenging task. And on a final test the effort group performed significantly better than the group praised for its intelligence.
Many of the kids who had been labeled "smart" performed worst of all. The "hard workers" got the message that they could improve their scores by trying harder, but the "smart" kids believed they should do well without any effort.


Praise Can Bring Down Performance"Contrary to popular belief, praising children's intelligence did not give them confidence and did not make them learn better," said Carol Dweck, a professor of developmental psychology at Stanford University and author of "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success."
Her surprising research, which she has repeated with hundreds of kids from all socioeconomic backgrounds, was published recently in the journal Child Development.
Dweck found that children's performance worsens if they always hear how smart they are. Kids who get too much praise are less likely to take risks, are highly sensitive to failure and are more likely to give up when faced with a challenge.
"Parents should take away the fact that they are not giving their children a gift when they tell them how brilliant and talented they are," Dweck says. "They are making them believe they are valued only for being intelligent, and it makes them not want to learn."
When parents, teachers and coaches label a child, they tell the child that he or she is the label and is judged for this label, not for his actual capabilities. The child becomes risk-averse and doesn't want to chance messing up and being labeled "dumb." In other words, a "smart" child often believes that expending effort is something only "dumb" kids have to do.

annie40

Be Specific about Praise and Don't Be Afraid to Withhold It

The key is to be specific about the praise you give.

"Parents should praise children for their effort, their concentration, their strategies, "

For instance, next time your son gets an A on an exam for which know he hardly studied, tell him you think he should try a tougher class next semester.  When he scores the winning touchdown, instead of telling him he's the best player on the team, ask him how he trained to run so fast.

The flip side is that parents must be honest when their children do not perform as well as their peers. If your daughter finishes last at the track meet, and you know it is because she's younger and less experienced than other competitors, it is better to tell her that she did not deserve to win because she still needs improvement than to tell her you thought she was the best, no matter what the judges said.

But it's hard to refrain from telling children how smart or perfect they are.

"We believe that by telling them they're smart, they'll believe they're smart, and if they believe they're smart, they'll attack their schoolwork with confidence," said Po Bronson, a father of two who wrote the cover story in the current issue of New York Magazine, "How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The Inverse Power of Praise." Writing the article forced Bronson to re-evaluate his own parenting techniques after learning of Dweck's research.

"I was frightened of this idea that telling a child that they're smart makes them think that effort is only for dummies, and if you're smart you shouldn't have to rely on effort," Bronson said.

It has not been easy, but Bronson and his wife have changed their ways.

"I have found that I just need to be honest," Bronson said. "Being honest is going to serve us better in the long run."


Tips for Parents
Avoid labels. Praising for effort sends the message that your child has the power to improve and change, but labeling him "smart" gives him little control over changing how he is perceived. Be mindful of labeling yourself ("I can't do my taxes -- I'm terrible at math") and others ("Your gymnastics partner is such a klutz").

Teach kids from an early age that the brain is a muscle that can be strengthened with practice. This sends the message that kids can directly affect their intelligence, which may empower unmotivated teenagers.

Lose the guilt. Parents often praise their kids to make themselves feel good, or to protect their kids from failure. But it's critical for parents to help their kids to learn to cope with setbacks and to help them focus on ways to improve.

HKTHK

回復 annie40 的帖子

Thank you.  Can always tell the 功力 of a parent by how they praise their child!

annie40

The first step is to eliminate those usual vague words such as 靓女, 靓仔,聪明, 好叻, 醒目, 天才, 劲, 真好, 真快手, 真乖, 抵赞, 抵錫, 等不着边际的字眼.  讲完跟没讲是没分别.  Completely no constructive encourage and instruction!!!!!!

从前的有女友, 丈夫老是夸赞她美若天仙, 新婚初期告诉我没天必要在六时半前起床, 七时前已化好桩容, 以保证永远的靓女........想是非常没安全感吧!  如果唔靓女, 谁来爱我??? 听闻后来离婚了!!!!

Praise can be disaster for wifes too!!!!!!

yantung2010

中国人不是觉得讚會讚坏人吗
一样米养百样人 不同性格不同情况就要用不同手法

lillymarie

認同文章裏說：對孩子誠實。

其實孩子自己知道自己在甚麼位置。有些事努力可以進步，但有些不能。

好似我囝跟人去練長跑，人地跑得非常快。我囝係無可能超越，只差在落後幾多。我若同佢講佢跑得好好，佢一定會喊話我嘲笑佢。所以我只讚賞他的毅力，問他還要不要繼續跟那班人跑。

好喜歡聽小提琴老師給囝囝的feedback, 上次上課，老師聽完佢拉，對他說：I really appreciate your efforts, but it was not good at all.

annie40

回復 yantung2010 的帖子

中国人不是觉得讚會讚坏人吗
一样米养百样人 不同性格不同情况就要用不同手法
＊＊＊＊＊
五年前可能也是一般想法，　

今天惊觉原来不停进步的人是有共通点的，道理只有一个，出色的百样人，原来心灵和特征可以十分接近的，　好方法死学死跟一个就够了．　　

lonelyranger

The title of the article is suggesting the denial of praise in nurturing children. IMHO, it is not whether praise is good or bad for them. It is what kind of praise is bad. Praise should be directed on their effort, not the results, or something that is in-born. It serves as a positive reinforcement to let the children know they are doing the right things, and to encourage them to repeat or intensify that in their next attempt. So I don't see much reference value on the original article as its fundamental angle used to draw that conclusion is not right.  It would be more interesting if it is about "what" instead of "why" praise can be bad for kids.

annie40

Thank you for your point of view.  The above article is just a small piece cut from a good book that may have mislead the whole concepts. For more detail information, you can go to below website or read the book named: Mindset : To fulfill your potential.

http://mindsetonline.com/whatisit/about/index.html

lonelyranger

原帖由 annie40 於 13-03-18 發表
Thank you for your point of view.  The above article is just a small piece cut from a good book that ...

Thanks for the source. I do agree with its angle about fixed mindset and growth mindset. I can see now if that article is one of the chapters in the book after establishing the belief in readers' mind about the importance of growth mindset, those readers will easily grab the essence of that article is talking about why praising on wrong aspects is bad for kids. Context does make a difference here. Anyhow, thanks for introducing this book and I think I should grab a copy to read it more completely.

mindwong

Thanks for sharing

chunyatmama

Thank you for your sharing.  I will order the book!  Its such a good reminder to parents.

annie40

Thank you for updating this old post.  I nearly forgot some important notes too.

刚巧想起是西方老师很喜欢誇赞孩子,简单的好行为, 功课等也赞美一番, f反而对班中的资优儿, 除了在课堂給予有挑战的工作纸给他们做,  其他是非常的平常心, 因此不少很有天赋的孩子, 特别是小学生, 只懂得喜喜欢欢的投入学习, 根本不会跟别的孩子作比较.也不大计算谁比谁聪明