失去對子女教導的耐性了

kinmom

所以話現時時常有人將香港教育的失敗歸咎於香港教育制度朝令夕改的同時，有沒有去想想其實主要的原因是家長過份注重自己子女的成績。

無疑因為現時 D 人生小朋友少，所以對子女的成績十分緊張，好像考得少於 70 多分已經成為下游份子最後幾名，拿 85 分為中游分子仍不滿意， 95 - 100 分才可為家長接受。要知道有些人吓吓拿滿分，學校唯有出深題目去近合某些家長的需要，免得比人覺得自己出卷容易，但會令到中下游份子更難追上來。

我兒子現讀幼兒園高班，校園生活是開心的，因為他學校是根據教署指引學前教育是讓小朋友去探索學習，所以要以愉快學習為目標，所以課程好淺 (我已反映叫他們深一點，讓小一容易銜接，但他們堅持己見)。早前我個仔去陳守仁面試人們要求用流利英文聽講他做不到，深深感受他面對的挫敗感。我亦有前所未有的 pressure。

如果我們大家可以放開一點，不要將自已的標準定得太高，我想三方面 (即家長，學校，小朋友) 都會有得益。

hinhinandy

hi all :
          哈哈~~~~~~睇完曬 5 頁之後 , 發覺原來好多家長日 日都好似我咁 , 開始溫習時都可以好好脾氣 , 但慢慢溫落去就出事囉 , 唉~~~~~我個仔都係讀 P.2 , 小一時我都覺得 ok 架 , 發脾氣都冇發得咁嚴重 , 仲可以好多時都可以好心平氣和咁同亞仔溫習 ,成績都幾中上 ,  但上到 小二就開始都覺得自己好唔掂 , 發脾氣發到自己都有 d 驚........... , 哈哈~~~~鬼唔係死咩 , 一個星期裡 , 又中黙又英黙 , 明明溫左係識架喎 , 但個臭豬就成日都好大意 ..............冇命 ^^
多謝大家比個地方我呻呻 , 我會努力穩定我既 EQ , 希望大家都一齊努力啦 ^^

eviepa

Dear Everybody,

My daughter is now 8 years old.  I haven't scolded her for years!  Every day, I teach her homework, read book with her, play with her, chat with her.  Never in the past few years do I have any time that I am mad at her.

To my understanding, children have the following characteristics:

1. like playing, hate doing homework
2. no self discipline
3. poor time management
4. make careless mistakes
5. easy to forget things

My daughter bears all the above characteristics. So when she did homeworks at the last minute, I just treated it as normal.  When she did careless mistakes, I just smiled and ignored it.  When she forgot things she learn, I would teach her again, if it was important enough.

She doesn't studies at an international school, yet it is lucky that her school doesn't have dictation and test.  She only got 3 assessments per year.  Most of the parents treat the assessment seriously.  But I just told my daughter not to do any preparation works before the assessment.  My focus is to read a lot with my daughter.  

It turns out that the marks for my daughter are moderate.  But my daughter's Chinese is good, English is excellent.  I think her academic attainment now is way above average.  But most important is that she likes going to school, she loves being with me, she enjoys learning wide spectrum of knowledge.  She is a lovely kid that I adore every day.

Why mad at your kids when they are doing what an average kid does?

ROSANNA

kinmom 寫道:
所以話現時時常有人將香港教育的失敗歸咎於香港教育制度朝令夕改的同時，有沒有去想想其實主要的原因是家長過份注重自己子女的成績。

無疑因為現時 D 人生小朋友少，所以對子女的成績十分緊張，好像考得少於 70 多分已經成為下游份子最後幾名，拿 85 分為中游分子仍不滿意， 95 - 100 分才可為家長接受。要知道有些人吓吓拿滿分，學校唯有出深題目去近合某些家長的需要，免得比人覺得自己出卷容易，但會令到中下游份子更難追上來。

我兒子現讀幼兒園高班，校園生活是開心的，因為他學校是根據教署指引學前教育是讓小朋友去探索學習，所以要以愉快學習為目標，所以課程好淺 (我已反映叫他們深一點，讓小一容易銜接，但他們堅持己見)。早前我個仔去陳守仁面試人們要求用流利英文聽講他做不到，深深感受他面對的挫敗感。我亦有前所未有的 pressure。

如果我們大家可以放開一點，不要將自已的標準定得太高，我想三方面 (即家長，學校，小朋友) 都會有得益。

我亦很讚成放開一點這個道理, 但我亦想分享一件事給大家聽, 我姐姐的女兒亦是P.2, 在P.1時她女兒的各科成績也有80+, 當我姐姐正對女兒的成績表現滿意之時, 那天她到校為女兒取成績表時, 老師居然對我姐姐說, 她女兒的成績只是一般, 叫她女兒要趕緊追上, 我姐姐聽後感到無奈, 80+還要"炸形"???

eviepa

Hi Rosanna,

To me, 80+ is very good mark.  I got only 70+ when I was in primary school and my daughter is now at primary 3 and only got about 80(actually my daughter's school doesn't have marks, only have some strange indicators) now.

A lot of teachers are merciless.

How your sister acts after this even? Ignores the teacher?  Pursuits 90+?

My daughter is lucky that her school does not treat "marks", "position" as important.  So I can pursuit the course deems suitable for her.

If you guys don't want your kids to be tortured by the education system, you may as well send them to this kind of schools.

ROSANNA

eviepa,

請問他在哪間小學讀書??

eviepa

Rosanna,

She now studies at 臻美黃乾亨小學.  

There are also several primary schools whose ideologies are completely different from the spoon-fed type traditional primary school.  港大同學會小學 and 真道書院 are the examples.  

All of the 3 schools have platforms here at 小學雜談.
You can have some idea by reading through them.

My daughter has been benefited from the school.  The amount of homework is reasonable, she got time to read and to play.  Moreover I do not need to worry about her "marks", "position", "promotion".  She goes to school every day happily.  I am concentrate on attracting her to read books.  So far, she has read more than 1,000 books from Jan 2004 to now in which about 40% of them are English picture books.  

To me, with the interest of reading is much better than "默書100分" or "考第一".

eviepa

MonicaY 寫道:
My girl is now in Primary 3.  Her academic results were good in P.1 & P.2.  She even got the first rank in the 2nd term in P.2.  Now the pressure given to me is even higher.  I always ask myself : can I bear if she can't achieve the first 3 ranking in this term?  

I know I should be more rational & relaxed, but I always believe that no demand, no improvement.  My girl is not that self-motivated, so I have to set revision schedule and do revision for her at least 2 weeks before the exams.  It's like I am having the exam.  

As a working mum, after work, I have devoted all my time to her study & take care of my little son.  Sometimes, I want to give up, but I will tell myself it is the responsibility of mum.

Just a sharing.

Monica

Hi Monica,

You are the main stream mother.  I am the maverick.  

To me, while I regard rank first is a good indicator there are some indicators better than the ranking.  The real importances in primary school for the kids are:

1. go to school happily,
2. maintain their 好奇心
3. equip themselves for secondary school education

I have seen lots of examples that a kid is with very high marks at school but they are not capable of handling secondary education.

Take an example, English education is a complete failure in HK.  Every school kid devote most of their time for grammar and spelling.  If he/she gets into an school with English as medium of instruction, his/her most important task is to understand text books.  But most kids don't read English books in primary school.  How can they cope with the situation when most of the text books are in English?

Words for you: take it easy. Don't treat ranking too seriously.

ROSANNA

上次講到我姐姐的女兒取得80+亦給老師"炸形", 之後她唯有上補習班, 之後的結果是今次女兒測驗不合格, 只取得50+.  姐姐當然很擔心. 我感到她和女兒都很可憐......很辛苦啊. :cry:

eviepa

Hi Matt's mum,

I agree with you that we are rare in this city.  I am even rare of the rare.  I am not a mother, I am actually Evie's pa!

Every evening after dinner, I encourage my wife to watch television or to read magazines and let me do the most enjoyable chore: read with my daughter for 1 hour and then tell her stories after that.

I totally agree with your method to guide your kid: not to emphasize too much on gramar but concentrate on reading.

My point of view of English education:

1. Grammar is not important - because grammar is a tool to write.  In HK, not a handful of primary six's pupil can have the ability to write.  Majority of pupils can only write simple sentences.  Learning grammar will be more effective in secondary school.  Moreover, without reading a lot of books, one cannot pick up grammar easily.  But if he/she read a lot of books, only spend little time can he/she get good command of grammar.  So reading come first and then grammar.

2. Vocabulary is important.  But dictation is a bad way to learn vocabularies.  Pupils just forget most of what they memorize after few days.  (So don't blame your kids for bad memory.  Every kid is like this.)  The most important way to learn vocabularies is to read more.  I do not do any dictation with my daughter (except for about 2 month's short-lived, futile dictation campaign), neither does her school.  Yet she builds up her vocabularies every day naturally when reading English picture books.

Nice to have an ally!

eviepa

ROSANNA 寫道:
上次講到我姐姐的女兒取得80+亦給老師"炸形", 之後她唯有上補習班, 之後的結果是今次女兒測驗不合格, 只取得50+.  姐姐當然很擔心. 我感到她和女兒都很可憐......很辛苦啊. :cry:

Hi Rosanna,

This confirms my believe that private tutor usually does bad than good.  

If my daughter were in a traditional school, I will resist the pressure from teachers and tell my daughter that 70+ is good enough. I have my own agenda: encourage her to read rather than following school's timetable and spend a lot of boring hours studying useless materials.

In primary school, pupils have 4 major components:
1. Chinese
2. English
3. Maths
4. General knowledge.

If a kid reads a lot of Chinese and English books, you will never worry about pt 1, 2 & 4.

If you keep an eye on his/her progress on Maths, he/she will probably not fall behind.

In HK, most people voice out vociferously that they hate the spoon-fed HK education.  But when it comes to their kids studying in this bad education environment, they just conform.

Why not do something revolutionary to liberate your kids?

cmama

Hi eviepa,

It's very nice to read your experience and opinion. My kid is studying K2 at the moment and I'm trying to figure out what sort of primary school that matches my expectation and my kid's ability. Do you know of any government subsidised schools that are similar to the sorts of school you mentioned?

Thanks.

FK

I am a working mother.  I really enjoy why working hours though the workload is heavy and demanding.   I seem to be a mad woman after I back home.  My son's concentration ability is very poor, it is also the observation of his tutors and private tutors.  His memory ability is good but not for academic.  I often quarelled with my husband because of his poor attitude (often shouting, crying for an hour, beat others ....) and performance.  However, he cannot give me a good suggestion, only said beat him when he did not follow instructions and stop all the extra-curricular activities.

Now, the private tutor told me that it is not a good way to hire a private tutor (my son's concentration ability is too poor and private tutor's hourly rate is quite high).  I also have a very lovely baby and a feel regret that I have very little time to spend with her.
Moreover, my son's school is quite demanding.  I am afraid I will collapse a day.

eviepa

cmama 寫道:
Hi eviepa,

It's very nice to read your experience and opinion. My kid is studying K2 at the moment and I'm trying to figure out what sort of primary school that matches my expectation and my kid's ability. Do you know of any government subsidised schools that are similar to the sorts of school you mentioned?

Thanks.

Hi cmama,

Unfortunately, I haven't heard of any so far.

Michellemama

別陪太子讀書

孩子做功課，家長最終的目標應是﹕訓練孩子自我解決問題的能力。所以，孩子做功課時，家長可以間中走過去，有目的地讚賞及鼓勵孩子，例如「做得很快」，「字寫得很好看」等，而不是坐在旁邊，全程監督孩子。
鄧澔明指，到高年班時，家長出現次數更應減少，例如在職父母，在孩子初小時，可請他每完成一項功課，便致電他們一次﹔升高小後，可減至完成所有功課才致電父母。
他說﹕「我看不到有什麼原因需要家長坐在旁邊，除非他跟不上。若小朋友跟不上，就要找出問題根源，是能力有限﹖是智能表現比別人低﹖」
有些小朋友要家長相伴做功課，是因為父母下班後，從不主動「親子」，孩子便藉此佔據父母的時間。鄧澔明建議﹕「父母可以跟小朋友約法三章，若下班回來後，他的功課已完成大半，便可以進行一個純粹親子的活動，例如玩板圖遊戲、下棋、講故事等，變成正面的推動力。」




要核對功課嗎﹖

這個問題，鄧澔明笑說，有理論與實踐的分別，很視乎每間學校的安排和校方的期望。
他指理想的做法是鼓勵家長別刻意執漏、改錯，字體是否漂亮亦不重要，若不是寫錯了或筆順有錯，別要孩子擦掉重寫。
他說﹕「最理想是留給老師批改，讓他承受後果與反省。小朋友一般看重老師的評語，覺得老師比家長更具權威，更具影響力。」




助孩子應付繁重功課 家長有法

升上小學後，功課漸多。安排孩子好好地完成每日的家課，成為家長首要任務。應付繁多的功課，家長除了要提醒孩子專心、努力之外，原來還有一點竅門。

做功課的理想目標﹕主動學習

就讀嘉諾撒聖瑪利學校小三的孫珩，課外活動已經不少——每天平均一樣，包括芭蕾舞、中國舞、英文、鋼琴、敲擊樂、合唱團、畫畫、童軍，還要應付功課，成績卻能保持在十名以內。
孫太說﹕「學校的功課不算很多，因為他們也希望小朋友多參與課外活動。她每天的功課大約5至6項，若然認真地做，個多小時就可以完成。」
孫珩能夠在短時間內完成功課，因為有兩大推動力﹕她一直很希望考到第一名，而且，她知道若要繼續現有的課外活動，就要「快手快腳」兼保持成績水平。
例如今年她報名參加了3項朗誦比賽，校方亦擔心會影響學業，故校長已對她說﹕「若你的成績因而退步，就不准參加了。」
孩子能主動學習，自動自覺完成功課，是大部分家長的理想。但不是每個孩子都跟孫珩一樣，從不讓媽媽操心。
要應付繁重功課，教育心理學家鄧澔明博士指出，首先家長要了解，不同年紀的小朋友，能力有所不同，應給予不同的輔助，例如不能期望小一、小二的孩子，能在父母下班回家前，完成所有功課。

培養責任感和自律 父母有法

要讓孩子透過功課，培養出責任感和自律，父母可以提供的輔助包括﹕

(1)訂功課時間表

父母先要教小朋友看家課冊，明白哪些是要完成的功課，然後再教孩子定先後次序。鄧澔明認為，功課的先後可依孩子意願排列。到孩子升上高年級，便可自行編訂每天的功課表。
編訂了功課表後，小朋友還要在每項功課完成後，看看時鐘，在表上寫上所花的時間。例如寫生字用了30分鐘，好讓他翌日再寫生字時，有目標地去挑戰自己——可以比昨天快一點嗎﹖
鄧澔明說﹕「最重要是讓孩子知道每項功課要花多少時間完成，令他們清楚自己做功課的進度。很多時，小朋友高估了功課的難度，以為要1小時完成的功課，原來只要半小時，便會十分開心，將來愈做愈快，因為有了清晰的目標。」
家長甚至可以設計獎賞制度，與孩子在事前協議一個限定時間，若能完成功課，而且準確不馬虎，就可以得到一個「印花」之類，然後每星期總結，若儲夠若干「印花」，就可以換取某些東西，例如買一本書、去一趟公園等。
鄧澔明說﹕「最終是希望教懂小朋友自己製作時間表，讓他們知道做功課是自己的責任。」

(2)營造良好環境

最基本是讓孩子有個光線充足、座位高度適中的地方做功課，最好有一張書桌，而且不會受到騷擾，如看到廳裏的電視，不時有人在他面前走來走去等。這樣才能營造一個認真、良好的氣氛。
家中若有弟妹，又沒有功課要做，最好亦安排他們在兄姊做功課期間，進行一些訓練式遊戲﹔大人亦不要在小朋友做功課時看電視，分散孩子的注意，然後又責怪他們不專注。

(3)間歇休息養神

鄧澔明指出，小學生專注力一般不太長﹕初小約30分鐘，高小也不過45分鐘至1小時，所以家長若發現功課很多，便要在適當時間，讓孩子休息，舉例如休息5分鐘，讓他吃餅喝水、看看街，休息後專注力回升，做功課便更有效率。

warrrren

Hi eviepa,

QUOTE: "I am even rare of the rare. I am not a mother, I am actually Evie's pa!"

I'm another dad.  Good to know that I am not alone.  I can't agree more with what you said in your posts.  Here's my two cents:

All kids are born with an urge to exploit the outside world and to learn (show me one who is not, if anyone disagrees).  Why a great percentage of the kids in our local schools have lost interest in studies?  Something must have gone very wrong.  One of the many factors, I believe, is that some parents have lost faith in themselves and their kids and, perhaps unknowingly, decided not to follow some common sense rules, which include: -

1. Kids are at their best when they feel easy.  They perform better if they are allowed to develop at their own pace.

2. Getting low mark in dictation means nothing, nothing at all and certainly not an indication of lack of language ability.  It shows lack of interest rather than anything else.  Take myself as an example.  I did manage to fail in most subjects and often got zero mark in both Chinese and English dictations.  But I spent a lot of time in public libraries and read a lot, a real lot from astrology to zoology.  Despite my exam results, which were appalling indeed, I almost won each and every inter-class quiz and regularly represented my school in inter-schools quizzes (and I won quite a few prizes).   I always ranked 34 or 35 in a class of less than 40.  When I was in Form 4, my ranking jumped to first three.  My mother always thought it was a miracle and she paid tribute to some distant ancestors.  I know there was nothing miraculous.  It was the result of my mother allowing me to spend time reading books that I liked, and doing things that I enjoyed doing.  I consider it a crime to judge a young kid by his marks in dictation.  Please, do not take part in such a crime.

3. Make your kids love reading is by far more important than making sure that they can reproduce some silly passages in 30 minutes (by the way, silly passages are, after all, silly passages, whether or not they carry marks). As emphasised by eviepa - read, read, and read to your kids.  It's better to get low marks in dictation than to let dictation occupies all your time.  Trust yourselves.  Trust your kids.

4. Parents are parents, not judges.  As said by Zhou You in his book "To appreciate your kid" - A parent who blames his child for not becoming what he has been expecting is like a farmer who always blames his crop for a bad harvest.  A good farmer holds himself responsible.  A bad farmer gets angry at his crop.  What gives a parent the right to demand his child to speak in a Yorkshire accent when he refuses to make an effort to polish his English?  What makes a parent think that his child should play piano at grade 8 when he keeps telling himself that he is tone deaf?  If one can excuse oneself on the ground that he is tone deaf, why can't his child tell him that he too is?  Want to give your kids encyclopaedic knowledge?  Easy.  Turn yourself into a walking encyclopaedia.  Want your child to be good at the piano.  Easy.  Just show him how easy piano playing is, by actually practising and playing in your child's presence.  If you believe that your 6 year old can do it, there is absolutely no reason why you cannot.  What?  You don't like music?  Fine.  But it is only fair that you don't get mad when your child tells you that he does not like music either.

Which of the followings is of the least importance?  (A) A broader range of knowledge; (B) interest in life; (C) good language foundation; (D) good parents/children relation; (E) 100 marks in dictation.  I am sure everybody knows the answer.  But knowing is not good enough.  We should always keep the right answer in mind.

Best wishes to everybody,
KC

mattsmum

warrrren and eviepa,

QUOTE: "I am even rare of the rare. "

good to have such ally, so rare in local schools where  the group pressure is so great that sometimes i lose faith in kids or my belief in reading. thank you for your sharing

mattsmum or matt'smum

lamba

eviepa,

could you suggest some good books ( both chinese and english ) for reading for k3 students, thank you ?