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本帖最後由 Fate 於 14-6-2 01:06 編輯
annie40 發表於 14-5-31 23:07 
父母有父母的獨特性格,喜歡鑽硏IQ題否,因人而異。個人而言,較享受投入媽媽的角色,那管家長在外是學富五 ...
Thanks for sharing with us, to you, an example of Pushy Parents.
Since you've raised some good points, I trust you don't mind me using some of your points to explain my points. After all, you're a BAD parent!
Please don't jump conclusion.
You're such a Balanced, Able, Devoted (= BAD) parent!
FACT 1 - Most of us like to hear what we want to hear, see what we want to see
Because this makes most of us feel Better/less Guilty about ourselves for taking/not taking any action(s).
I once used the fact that many non-smokers die of lung cancer to justify my smoking - why give up smoking? But when I'd a serious problem in breathing after a jog, I quit immediately.
I once used the fact that many alert drivers die of car crash to justify my tired driving - why bother to take a break? But when I'd hit the kerb during a tired driving, I started parking aside to take a break when too tired.
So, all this 'Don't worry, you die if you're meant to die' saying was only my Excuse for not giving up smoking/not taking a break when tired.
So, applying the same logic, would it be the case that some parents seeing what they want to see (i.e. Pushy Parents doing IQ test) to justify them not taking a 1-1, 15-minute a day Positive Stimulation/Interaction with their child?
FACT 2 - Many schools don't give everything a child needs
If a school really knows what a child needs to learn, it won't be having so many subjects, giving so much homework etc. This is a sign of NOT knowing for sure, so go for MORE, hoping they've taught the children what they need - just like when us the parents trying to get our first job, we'd send out as many as application as possible, hoping one would be accepted!
In fact, if a school doesn't even bother to give the most basic and yet most important information to parents, do you think the school has the best interests of a child in its heart? Visit your child's school website & see if you could find all the following :-
- the qualification of teachers (it's in the news in UK/HK, many schools hiring Unqualified teachers)
- the experience of teachers (many schools hiring less experienced/recently qualified teachers just because they're cheaper)
- the time that teachers have been with the school (some schools have a high turn over rate of teachers)
- the university destination of the students & the degree the students taking (some schools have a very low successful rate)
- the sick leaves of teachers (some schools have a high sick leave or even some on permanent and yet long sick leave)
See what you think after reading the following article, 'The case for NOT leaving Education to the teachers'
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26480053
FACT 3 - Not every school is the same
You must have noticed from Edu-kingdom site, there're so many parents seeking advice on which pre-school, primary, secondary, uni in HK or overseas etc., confirming everyone knows every school is NOT the same and every parent wants a better one for their child.
Everyone accepts that the Happier people, Wealthier people, Healthier people, More Successful people, More Powerful people etc. are always in Minority, so applying the same logic, excellent schools are also (and always) in Minority.
In view of the FACT 2 and FACT 3, I'm afraid I've to disagree with your claim that '在校內已有上佳的思考訓練' . Moreover, the fact that your child is soon to study overseas has, I'm sorry to say, Contradicted your claim - if the existing school in HK has been giving your child '上佳的思考訓練', so why is your child leaving the HK school?
Your action has also confirmed, beyond all reasonable doubts, that there is a difference between the education system in HK and UK, and there is a difference amongst UK schools etc. (And HK' schools too - you didn't just put your child in a school nearest to your HK home?)
The action of the following UK mum also reminds every parent NOT every school is to give a child, '上佳的思考訓練',
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/10862979/I-will-send-my-children-private-if-I-cant-get-them-into-a-grammar.html
FACT 4 - Not about What is being done but WHY and HOW it is done
For example, different parents encourage their child to learn piano for different reasons :some just want to show off, some want to stretch their child's Imagination, some want a better personal profile to help their child to get into a better secondary/uni etc.
But for me, I'd like my boys to be stimulated by music, have a better 'emotional outlet', enjoy doing something alone (Alone does not = Lonely) etc. I won't stop encouraging my boys from learning piano just because some parents doing it, to me , for the 'wrong' purposes.
I therefore don't see IQ game is the problem - the problem is the Way the IQ game is being presented/played. As long as a game (IQ game or not) is for Stimulation rather than Labelling others, it's one of several games rather than the ONLY game, it's played when people wanting it rather than being FORCED upon to do it etc.
FACT 5 - Most of us know what 'NOT to do', but not 'What to do'
Everyone is good at identifying others' weakness but not OWN weakness. But does spending so much in finding others' weakness, and then even more time in attacking others really help one to become Better?
Why do we not spend our limited time in learning the Good Practices, something tried and worked, to help our child to become Better of Themselves at their OWN pace?
There are plenty of Good Parents out there that we can look upon, learn from - why don't we try to apply/modify the Good Practices to tailor-made for our child?
FACT 6 - Brain needs Exercises
Everyone knows that a healthy body comes from regular exercise. The same logic applies to our brains, which need constant exercises too, be it Sudoku, Chess, Crossword, Books, Music, IQ games etc.
Why there are some parents constantly against the idea of having some 'brainy' games to stimulate Thinking, Imagination, Creativity, Reasoning, Problem Solving, Time Managing etc.?
FACT 7 - Parents leave everything to chance, leaving their child with little chance
If everyone has Self-Discipline, there will be No Policeman.
(Last time I checked, there were plenty of policeman on HK streets!)
Let's be Honest. When your boss isn't in office due to sickness/overseas trip, do you not feel more relax....and then become slack off, gossipping in office, come to work late, leave office early etc.?
Which Group of activities do you think most if not all children would pick if children are left to do whatever they want?
Group A : read a book/write a diary/watch a scientific documentary/read a newspaper etc., OR
Group B : on mobile/FB/Twitter/texting/playing computer games/watching tv etc.
A snapshot of what these children will be like one day?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2294249/Graduates-lack-basic-skills-interested-job-offer-employer.htmlchildren
Have you noticed we've more & more children Talking about BIG issues like Global Warning, Third World Poverty etc. and yet never seem to be bother to tidy up their writing desk/own bedroom, setting up the table for meals (oh, yes, these are domestic helper's job!). We've a Talking but NOT Acting Generation (i.e. Talk Big, Do Little)
Children need to be reminded, 'Thing won't happen unless they make it happen, unless they put in effort today and every day, otherwise, their Dream will NEVER come true.'
(Many children think that they could have life the Easy way : just become an actor/singer/footballer etc. overnight, 'minimum effort, maximum money', when in reality, even actor/singer/footballer etc. still require years of hard work/training too!)
FACT 8 - Life is NOT just doing what one likes but more about dealing with one does NOT like
Everyone does good at something they like. It's the Ability to do equally well in something one does NOT like that makes the difference.
I always reminds my boys many Facts about life, some of which are quoted below :-
- your teacher may not give you the homework/class duty etc. that you like;
- your boss may not give you the project/trip/pay etc. that you like;
- your friends may not say/do things that you like...
Ask yourself a question, 'For the last 5 years, did everything you like happen AND everything you dislike didn't happen?'
If one can't deal with the things they dislike, they're most likely ending up using something to 'escape' like Binge Drinking, Drug Taking etc.
Like it or not, the situation will get worse, people with a good degree from a good uni still can't find a proper job,
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/overqualified-and-underemployed-britain-faces-youth-talent-crisis-as-new-figures-reveal-more-than-a-million-young-people-working-menial-jobs-9198044.html?origin=internalSearch
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/9977803/Top-university-a-great-degree-but-as-for-a-job-dream-on.html
(This's why parents need to 'Top Up' their child's education)
I can go on and on but you get my point and also, I don't have unlimited time and would like to stop here. ('8' is a lucky number anyway!)
Annie, I trust you understand that I'm not here to cause offence but just would like to Balance your argument - you DID put forward a strong case in advocating 'parents do Nothing, let children do everything they want'.
I'm also only here to support the Polish Parents - don't be frustrated when Punish Parents accusing you doing too much and Pushy Parents accusing you doing too little, because you're Totally Focused, because you look beyond today, working Unselfishly to help your child to realise their Dreams by helping them to become Better of Themselves at their OWN pace.
Polish Parents, just to let you know that I showed the following documentary to elder boy to stimulate him, which you may also use it for your child - I started a causal chat over dinner after him watching it, first by asking him 'How did you feel about the documentary?' He raised some very good points. Another question I asked him, 'If you're the father, when would you stop?'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZbJhIhiRu0
Polish Parents, I trust you agree with me that Life is about making the Right Choice. And you lot have indeed made the Right Choice. Because you've been HONEST TO YOURSELF. And I'd like you to remember this : somewhere out there, someone is somehow supporting you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJNIY3mLHU8
May all the children (including those of Pushy/Punish Parents) make their Own Dreams come true.
(Have to go - prepare the coming Good Schools Guide interview, http://www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk/, see you lot in a week's time - if I'm still welcome!)
Best wishes
Terence Lai
5P : Promoting Proactive Positive Parental Participation
Once dropped out of Uni,
Kicked out by family;
Burnt out at company,
Cash wiped out suddenly.
Now a knock-out with students,
Helping Gifted & Gutted children;
Because in Life we all have a Mission :
Motivating our future generation
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