Social activity breakthrough

Hello101

Hello LPYdad1
Could you please PM me as well the social class detail...

My kid is also attending private S school. and have ST as well...she improves initially but sounds no improvement recently.....
The teacher also advise me that social class / communication class may help as if she "knows" something, she will start to talk...
One more thing is...what is the exact location of the part you mentioned before? It is call Mody Road Garden or Centenary Garden please.

Many Many Thanks.

LPYdad1

Dear Hello101
Already pm u the info.
Let me know the age & standard of yr kid.
Just from yr writing, I have a feeling that social class might be too early to yr kid.
Please remember social activity for an non-autistic kid starts at about 3.5-4 yrs. There are a lot of things to be built before social activity starts. I just have a feeling that some fundamental work u might need to work on first before joining a social class.
Anyway, send me some info in public or through pm as u like if u want to hear my opinion

LPYdad1

Another funny experience, also happened in indoor govt playroom

This time, my son about 5 went to indoor playroom again. Firstly, play with another 6-7 yrs boy, after 5 mins, that boy complaint my boy pushing him, starts to fight w/ him and complained him doing some naughty things. I remained silent and watching. His grandma came and explained to him that it is not his business, my son should be guided by his parent. He keep complainin. I intruded and just guided my son to play with other kids. By then, another boy about 4 played with this kid, after 5 mins, he started to push him and also complained with him for his naughtiness, etc. Of course, this time, most parents start therir "O mouth" la. His grandma came again and held him in a corner and scolded him for 10 mins. By then, he played by himself and left after 5 mins.
One section passed, my son kept playing in the playroom for next section and starts to play with 4 yrs old boy for another 15 mins. Everything seems smooth.
Two things I would like to say is that social activity involves in a lot of matters. Development disorder could be an obstacle, but it is not unbreakable and never conclusive. A delayed kid in many ways would even perform better in social activity. So dont worry too much in social activity performance. When the right time comes, it will show.
2nd thing is the key pt I want to raise is that. I have chated to a few parents. When it is not a right time, pls do not use too much reasoning to a kid no matter it is a delayed one or not. I particularly interested how comes there are so many immature concept built in that boy who has quite a lot of competency, but have many adult like but immature thoughts. One guess i have made is that there are too many reasoning given to him in his behaviour ( as his grammy spoke to him for 10 mins explaining). So even a competent kid has such behaiviour & social problem, excessive reasoning should be always avoided in delayed kids. When there coms a problem to a kid's behviour no matter he has delay or not, comfort and direction of correct behaviour is already gd enough. Reinforcement & punishment should come to very late with serious thought. Reasoning should only come when he is matured enough understand the reason behind.

angels'mom

原帖由 LPYdad1 於 11-9-28 17:52 發表
Pls check if u received the info

Yes, I got it.  Thanks a bunch.  I'll check it out.

LPYdad1

A funny experience -
Typhoon no.3 was hoisted yesterday, my son had no need to attend kindergarden and I had taken a break so I brought him to play in playground. There were quite a few kindergarden kids playing yesterday. After 15 mins, my son started to follow 2 boys probably 5-6 yrs old who knew each other very well since they called each other's full name. My son followed them for a while, probably asked him to play together. But they refused and complained him for following. After a while, I came across them and one boy complained me that my son was following him. This time, I intruded and said my son was asking you gals to play with him together. By then, there was a pause. They started to climb together, but not much connection with no complaining already at least. By then, another pause. I stepped in this time and asked one of the boy, "Come on, u gals run me in two circles together here." He then run a small circle and my son follows. I by then said, " Not large enough, pls run in a larger circle." By then, they started to run in a larger circle. I said to one of the boy again, " Not large enough, u should run a circle around the whole playground." They by then run a half circle, before they finished a circle, they already played another instrument that I am too far to check with them. They played for about 5- 10 mins. My son changed to play with another boy probably similar age for another 30 mins before two boys left the playground some time earlier.

Intervention/involvement to kids sometimes is necessary, not only for the reason to stop bad behaviour or danger. An adequate intervention not only help yr kid towards yr target behaviour/result, but also set an example to yr kid even to yr group how to start/follow a social behaviour. However, the level of intervention is somehow never easy to control. I myself have given a lot of false or inadequate intervention. However, practice makes perfect i guess. Example above, I start with guidance w/ help ( my word to the boy that my son wants to play with them). By then, the pause seems a reflection that it is not enough. By then, I took the leading role and asked them to run in a circle. This time, the actiont appears to be adequate (as the boys follow), I starts to retreat using guidance (run in a larger circle) and then watch & observe only (as they starts to deny my command and do not run anymore)and finally withdrew completely as they played smoothly.
Lots of observation and failure may come across first before u make an adequate action. However, practice ALWAYS makes perfect.

lovesumsum

hi LPYdad,

i'm new to the forum. i read some of your posts (forget which one) that your son is attending a good kindergarten. can you please let me know which one? also, just read that your son is attending social class. can you kindly let me know too?

my 3yrs old girl is confirmed autism spectrum. lack of social interaction, eye contact. has a bit of temper tandrum.

many thanks

lovesumsum

BTW, i live in HK island side

原帖由 lovesumsum 於 11-10-19 16:38 發表
hi LPYdad,

i'm new to the forum. i read some of your posts (forget which one) that your son is attending a good kindergarten. can you please let me know which one? also, just read that your son is at ...

LPYdad1

Already pm u, please check if arrived

lovesumsum

many thanks for your prompt reply. it's very kind of you.

原帖由 LPYdad1 於 11-10-20 02:44 發表
Already pm u, please check if arrived

baubaulee

Dear  LPYdad

My son is lack of eye contact, would you please share how to improve?

Btw, May I know more about your son's social class and school?



Thanks!

LPYdad1

Info already pm u.
Writing about eye contact takes me sometime. I just finish half. Reply u this after it is finished.

fatpam

If possible, pls share the methods / skills  of improving eye contact here as I think many other parents want to learn from you too.

U may receive many mails soon.

THX

原帖由 LPYdad1 於 11-10-22 11:11 發表
Info already pm u.
Writing about eye contact takes me sometime. I just finish half. Reply u this after it is finished.

LPYdad1

Dear baubaulee and fatpam,

Wow!!! Answering this question is a very big challenge to me as it is quite controversial.
Official answer (like govt & Heep Hoong) to improve eye contact is NO NEED & NO WAY.
My opinion is VERY VERY DIFFICULT BUT VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT.
A common viewpoint by most sectors, including me agreed is that poor eye contact is basically an indicator of a problem rather than a cause. However, poor eye contact itself blocks emotion, social & intellectual data absorption in brain. This indicator will also become a "cause" of a problem.
Reasons for poor eye contact: Too many possible and mixed reasons together. But u still need to know of course. Other parents pls tell me if u found more than below.
Sensory deficiency - hearing, somatic, frontal, touching, visual
Speech delay esp. in comprehension
Poor brain executive & cognitive function
Intellectual deficiency
Poor short term memory
Attention deficiency
Poor eye ball muscle and/or visual deficiency
Lack of understanding in human mind
Poor social understanding or initiation
Emotion deficiency
Interest

Remedy is simple. Overcome all the above, yr kid's eye contact will then be brilliant. (Overcoming one might already kill u or yr kid. Sound hopeless, right? Hahaha…)

Pls be optimistic. Some allowance u gals might seek for. First, there are weights for each person’s problem which causes poor eye contact. That means you do not need your kid to get a 100 mark in this paper, but getting 50-60 marks already acceptable, right? So put effort to rectify yr kid’s key problem which is related already helps. 2nd, It is somehow relates to luck. Saying u already found yr kid’s key problem is sensory deficiency, successful sensory training will help its eye contact to some extent. If your kid’s problem is intellectual deficiency, by then, you might need to work very hard to improve his IQ. 3rd, some key items are commonly found in kids causing poor eye contact like sensory, speech, attention deficiency. Improving these few parts already helped.
About techniques. I think Mrs Wong from LP Program has made very detailed & practical technique such as ask yr kid to chase torch light, finger touching w/ each other, playing trampoline w/ targets or passing things, etc. Please buy references from Mrs Wong or attending her class ( though I have not) will help u. I don’t think I could do better than her.
Now, the most important part for my passage is that.
Other than frequent reminder for eye contact (I am still doing it) and LP technique and throwing all behind theory away…
1.Improving eye contact should make alliance w/ yr school teacher & close relatives. I am NOT ONLY meaning to remind yr teacher to ask yr kid to look at people’s eye while speaking. In the beginning to improve eye contact (though I have not done to my kid since I knew this part not so long), u should ask those people frequently contact yr kid to have a similar distance/same eye level while seeking him to make correct eye contact in speaking. The distance should NOT be SO CLOSE (perhaps not less than half a metre) since a kid at 3 or below are commonly found to have long-sightedness. So making practices for a period of time, I think you could help yr kid to at least have a proper eye contact with a person in a certain distance first. If succeed, trying to help yr kid to extend his eye contact w/ u by starting varying the distance. This method is very ABA I guess.
2. Some aid is possible to help his eye contact other than only using finger to point at yr own eye. A pencil or a toy could be used to guide his changing focus. But using a snack is pointless, mostly he will only look at the snack but not yr eye.
3. Avoidance of TV & computer of course help yr kid to have a better eye contact in some extent, since the light in this products are too dashing.

Now, going to even more difficult part. (Maybe u are clever or experienced enough, u already have a question in yr mind) Even u are successful in above, what help is the correctness in eye focus. Where is the content inside the eyes? U will definitely find yr kid still has nothing inside his eye though focus is now correct if u are successful doing above. Perhaps his eye focus may even stay only in a very short while. What is the matter and how to improve? (Of course, I mean other than improving those deficiency mentioned before) Passage is damn long already and I am a bit exhausted. Pls let me continue next time again.

[ 本帖最後由 LPYdad1 於 11-10-23 01:30 編輯 ]

LPYdad1

Btw, pls dont say learn, just sharing with u gals, ok?

[ 本帖最後由 LPYdad1 於 11-10-23 01:24 編輯 ]

LPYdad1

2nd part
To improve eye contact apart from rectifying all the deficiency such as attention, speech or sensory problem, etc

One issue is mostly agreed –Seeking his interest and bring him confidence as he is interested. When u are interested in a matter and u will try to know more and u get confidence, by then, you are more interest, right? A circle basically.
Only u are interested on a matter, he will deliberately look at those and process those visual data into the brain. And then u get more confidence and look at them more. A proper eye contact will come out.

Unfortunately, our society seems not providing many interesting task to your kid. Also in many ways, he needs to know and follow those issue he is not interested. What to do?

Please know what your kid is deliberately doing to cope with such problem first.

A very common characteristic of a delayed kid that most people agreed (of course, there are other problems) is that the information they absorbed are being segmented, probably due to poor wiring of the brain or poor development neuron & dendrites (branches) & poor composition of neuron transmitters. Simply saying, their thinking technique will be limited to logic is logic, memory is memory, emotion is emotion, expression is expression,etc (if their brain still keeps on functioning well – he has not much intellectual deficiency problem)  When u ask him a question like what is your name? He needs to knock on every segments to find an answer. (Name means an identification, your means I myself, etc…) All eye contact of course is lost when seeking all the details in a very simple question.

With poor cognitive and executive function, a common pattern they do is to skim through details of an issue or a scene and memorized the details. Why they do so? On one side, it is what they could do and what they could understand only due to imbalance brain functioning mentioned before. On the other side, our society requires them to cope with too many difficult issues, like self care, speech, maths, emotion control, etc. Once he could not catch up, what he could only do is to memorise the parts and probably follow adult’s instruction even though they don’t know what it means.

So when you talk to him in words or ask him a question, he will look every little parts related to the question, locating related issue and trying to conclude something or an answer. Such way of thinking is too inductive. The problem is 1. It takes time. All eye contact is spending on searching the details. Eye balls are jumping around a long time to look for all details even a small word or question. 2. Easily distracted by non-related matters. By then, his eye contact will focus on those distracted him. 3. Most importantly, he WON’T learn a thing through the process, but still keep memorize the parts only. His eye contact will definitely not have any contents inside.
(Will continue again)

[ 本帖最後由 LPYdad1 於 11-10-27 10:49 編輯 ]

kelvin_hmlau

你的解釋非常好. RDI 教眼神係用non-verbal. 因為如果用verbal, A仔要花精神黎process 語句.

別忘記A仔通常同一時間process幾樣訊息有困難.

Olympian

所以咪好難叫佢一路講一路望人囉~~

有時自己講英文都唔望人，因為要諗下點講

anan3388

同意。越來越感受到自信對我們的小朋友是極為重要的。在train train train 的mindset 下，孩子的自我不斷地削弱，一些反抗又被標籤為純粹行為問題。其實他們真的很期待，也很需要我們的理解和支持。近來的一點體會，有感而發，分享一下！

kelvin_hmlau

我覺得我地的孩子被剝削左好多學習的機會.

Even a circus lion learns to sit on a chair in fear of the whip, but you call such a lion “well trained”, not “well educated”.