小學雞，港童和職業學生， 是誰之過？

tongyimtong

ANChan59

可能有些離題，但知閣下一向喜理性討論。今天想和你分享多一些。

就以香港的「小學雞」和「港男、女」現象為例，罪魁禍首都是父母。

中國人只懂權利，不談義務。子女在學校受小小委屈，家長動輒投訴。耳濡目染之下，子女不懂檢討，氣焰日益助大。我有朋友在醫院工作，學護受訓期間便拒絕作厭惡性工作。小小不如意家長便向ward manager投訴。如今醫療事故叢生，豈會只是管方出錯？醫護人員質素日差 ， 難道不是昭昭在目？

80和90後孩子的香港父母，大都經歷艱難的成長路。不少人都曾受失學之苦，能完成學業者，亦吃盡苦頭。當年只有1-2%尖子可入大學，留學海外，更只是富豪階層的玩意。當年，我們是名副其實的「精英教育」。

可是，以上的人士，雖經歷如此不凡的道路。無論是失敗或成功者，並沒有打算讓子女重複自己的經驗。

他們都想子女削尖頭皮，由幼稚園到大學都進入名校，成為專業人才。次者，也希望子女有一紙大學文憑。以完成自己未完的心願，修補家長內心的遺憾。

可惜，家長錯誤的寵愛。只做就了一群「小學雞」和「港男、女」。家長忘記了，自己當年都無大學文憑，更無上任何名校，但今天已成社會的棟樑。我們依靠的不是父母精心篇排的道路。我們小時無密密麻麻的興趣班，無補習老師，更可能中途失學。我們是用努力工作，不屈旳精神，憑自己一雙手打拚現在的一切。

我們作為父母的，憑什麼以為精心替子女安排一切會一定對她/他們好？

我們又怎會應為大學學位才是通往成功大門的惟一途徑？

就因為自己的偏見，我們縱容子女，盲目以為讀書才是最近成功之路。讓他/她們以讀書作為逃避工作的借口。

於是，社會上出現一幫年近30，仍以學生身份生存的「職業學生」。

而像「恒商」或「公開大學」等各式各樣的「大專學店」，便是他/她們的溫床。

最後，我們的社會像歐美發達國家，大學生通街，技術工人欠缺。但在人浮於事的商業社會，有大學學位的人長期失業。水電、裝修工作無人做。大學畢業生最終依賴社會福利生活，終生背負「學無所用」和學生貸款而活。

所謂教育，最原始的理由是為了生存。何時開始，惡化成摧毀下一代求生的行為？

我對閣下問題的答案是︰讓子女行自己的路，而不加任何意見。

ANChan59

回復 annie40 的帖子

Ha ha.... take it easy.

annie40

回復 ANChan59 的帖子

多月前感于兄台乐于助人, 曾盖叹只有一孩,未免可惜……. (Give and take) 仲有盖世武略而后继不多呢? 而背后的我在黑心地想, 多几个孩子你就知难度. (Not your style....)，　这个才是真的我，　常人也！　一般的喜欢落井下石．　常人见到靓女，　当然希望靓女无脑，　有脑又靓女，　必然是性格有缺陷，　吓！　连性格都非常可爱可敬，　那就暗地里想：无可能咁完美，　十清也应有一渚　，唯有傻呼呼的想：可能命运麻麻地．我这等愚昧之人，凭这等愚见，　非常阿Ｑ，不用看心理医生，　心理也得以平衡发展，　多好！

annie40

回復 friendlyguy 的帖子

原来Friendlyguy仲系到, 果然是明天会更好!

ANChan59

回復 friendlyguy 的帖子

Hi friendlyguy
Your understanding of IB learning are correct...... Sorry may confuse other parents, I deleted the said remarks.

I am kidding and making excuse not to write the book , but we are ready to help him if needed.

For Maths, he may need my assistance in two sections, he is too quick to get the answer in mind-maths mode and difficult to present steps in tests and examinations. The Maths teacher can't solve the problem, so I need to step in. Score 7 in Maths at HL, very thin margin to make mistake or lose some step marks..... For Physics and Chemistry, just in case only.

TOK, he is doing extremely well; my wife assists him to select the EE topics and transfer some tips to him for literature review and research methodology.........

ANChan59

friendlyguy

ANChan59 發表於 12-1-4 21:08
回復 annie40 的帖子

ANChan,

ANChan,

Could you tell me more why you and your wife need to help your son in revising his academic stuffs? What make you think you can't just let go for him to do so? How you do it? How much time is needed per week?

I know very little about IB although my son most probably needs to take this curriculum a few years later. I always think that it requires a self-motivated student and parental involvement will be minimal as for other high school curriculums.

Friendlyguy

ANChan59

回復 annie40 的帖子

ANChan,

我想每位家长也会是育儿专家, 或育儿失败者, 或甚么也不是, 只是.快活的普通人吧. (Excellent conclusion.)

多月前感于兄台乐于助人, 曾盖叹只有一孩,未免可惜……. (Give and take) 仲有盖世武略而后继不多呢? 而背后的我在黑心地想, 多几个孩子你就知难度. (Not your style....)

哈哈! 随时要用三四套功架来应付三四个孩子. 得出的效果更会是因人而异, 那时ANChan,还需每天跟孩子争战, 通常叫大仔教细仔, 那有精力出书? (Even one boy, also very demanding. *****Deleted*****)

因此每次见另一家长Samuel讲述给两个儿子弄到欲哭无泪的处境, 有血有肉, 是真实的乐事也! 真佩服他的能耐! (Yes, agreed....)

我也是个一孩妈妈, 女儿很易教 (相对是我易满足), 常怀疑独身子女是容易被父母操控而变得易于调教而已, 所谓独到秘诀, 多两个孩子, 绝技就被化解, 要重新学习, 想唔謙卑都唔得.(In general, I agreed with your comment. I told you before "one can be more than enough.....)

至于你的经验, 我是崇服你的想法和做法而未必可以跟随的. 是性格和环境使然, 学也学不来的.记得你曾带儿子参观工作上的流程, 让他更理解何谓爸爸的工作, 大家非常赞赏! (Correct, it's easier for me, as I am the partner of the company. But other parents can do different things based on their resources, connections....... my experience is most people are ready to offer helps in parenting, further studies and career decisions...... Depends on you want to do it or not.) 我多年前也试过带小女往出差, 生意人勢利, 当正她是’天之骄女’, 仲话提名大个去’選美’, 吓到我几乎从椅子上掉落地, 而外子就’面黑黑’, 是夢魘! 孩子年纪少, 很难明白事实与谎言, 大害也. (I will debrief him after those occasions....... For business occasion, I will screen the appropriateness before bring him along....... )

育儿的理论和实践是让人太沉重, , 有见地之人如能出书, 我手写我心, 写经验, 写过错, 写顿悟,写爱
, 写忧虑, 也是保证快,靓,正的,(tiger mom 话她用两星期写了三分二, 应该是不吐不快心里话, ),还可整合成一本作品,留给儿子作’’家传之宝’. 多好! (She is a professor........... I am a 'P' driver.....)

然您和妻子的良好的理念, 想法, 行为是值得推崇的, 希望能按心中的一把尺来欣赏, 来妨效, 来互勉吧! (My favorite comment - Expectation management.)

以上全属妇人之见,请于指正 ----

(I always open and accept lady's comments..... good training from my wife. )

annie

annie40

回復 ANChan59 的帖子

ANChan,

我想每位家长也会是育儿专家, 或育儿失败者, 或甚么也不是, 只是.快活的普通人吧.

多月前感于兄台乐于助人, 曾盖叹只有一孩,未免可惜……. 仲有盖世武略而后继不多呢? 而背后的我在黑心地想, 多几个孩子你就知难度.
哈哈! 随时要用三四套功架来应付三四个孩子. 得出的效果更会是因人而异, 那时ANChan,还需每天跟孩子争战, 通常叫大仔教细仔, 那有精力出书?
因此每次见另一家长Samuel讲述给两个儿子弄到欲哭无泪的处境, 有血有肉, 是真实的乐事也! 真佩服他的能耐!

我也是个一孩妈妈, 女儿很易教 (相对是我易满足),
常怀疑独身子女是容易被父母操控而变得易于调教而已, 所谓独到秘诀, 多两个孩子, 绝技就被化解, 要重新学习, 想唔謙卑都唔得.

至于你的经验, 我是崇服你的想法和做法而未必可以跟随的. 是性格和环境使然, 学也学不来的. 记得你曾带儿子参观工作上的流程, 让他更理解何谓爸爸的工作, 大家非常赞赏! 我多年前也试过带小女往出差, 生意人勢利, 当正她是’天之骄女’, 仲话提名大个去’選美’, 吓到我几乎从椅子上掉落地, 而外子就’面黑黑’, 是夢魘! 孩子年纪少, 很难明白事实与谎言, 大害也.

育儿的理论和实践是让人太沉重, , 有见地之人如能出书, 我手写我心, 写经验, 写过错, 写顿悟, 写爱
, 写忧虑, 也是保证快,靓,正的,(tiger mom 话她用两星期写了三分二, 应该是不吐不快心里话, ), 还可整合成一本作品,留给儿子作’’家传之宝’. 多好!

然您和妻子的良好的理念, 想法, 行为是值得推崇的, 希望能按心中的一把尺来欣赏, 来妨效, 来互勉吧!

以上全属妇人之见,请于指正 ----

annie

tongyimtong

各位朋友

因公私兩忙，相信會有一段時間沒空上BK，這個帖是在下開的﹐回應到此為止。

在子女教育的立場上，我知道自己並不孤單。

生活應由每人自己作出獨立的選擇，父母最後都要尊重子女的決定。

ANChan59

閣下是罕有的父母，你的行事方式，可供參考，但相信難以仿傚。令公子是資優生，然而資優生都分不同範疇。閣下是有心人，但「言者諄諄，聽者藐藐」，有多少人會暸解你育兒背後的真正苦心？只怕都是東施效顰，徒勞無功者居多﹗

我的帖題，答案原來早已有人解答。

以下著作今天在書店看到，並一口氣看完。

我已找到答案，希望其他人一樣找到︰

《不看後悔－－學校霸權的真相》

作者 : 古永信
出版社 : 生活書房

ANChan59

cherubic 發表於 11-12-28 17:06
ANChan59,
You may consider opening a blog which is not very demanding.  Parents, with young kids, wi ...

Thanks cherubic
Let me discuss with my family and I need my son teach me how to open a blog.

BTW, start a blog - you mean in BK..... If yes, I can do it right the way.....

ANChan59

cherubic

ANChan59,
You may consider opening a blog which is not very demanding.  Parents, with young kids, will benefit a lot.

ANChan59

annie40 發表於 11-12-28 12:00
回復 ANChan59 的帖子

Anchan,

annie40
Your idea is terrific, but its not easy to write a book for my parenting method; moreover, I need to wait for my son to finish his IB first according to our gentleman agreement.

Other ideas popped up my mind a couple years ago, my wife and I may start up something to help kids and parents for studying, parenting, career advice, not for profit, may be for under-privileged families. We don't have anything solid right now. Write a parenting book can be a good start......

ANChan59

bbJP

ANChan59 發表於 11-12-27 13:13
Part 2

2.        Value system

“Never give up” may be a special meaning to my son, not from a book, not from an influential speaker or pastor….. demonstrated by a closed friend – dad.

ANChan59,

Congratulations!!

We share your happiness!!

You are really a GREAT DAD. Your son and your family are blessed.

annie40

回復 ANChan59 的帖子

Anchan,

You should consider to write a book about 'fatherhood.' I would be happy to buy some and send to friends.  

annie

One-Mama

我相信 "如何的父母, 教育出如何的子女".   在不同的年代和社會, 各位父母都用不同的方式演繹其對子女之愛. 其結果如何.孩子品行如何. 旁人不盡能定論是否成功.失敗, 更遑論是哪一方/誰人負全責.  每個個案都有不同因由, 何需一概而論.
父母擔當的角色, 所謂'身教'尤其甚者. 希望在變幻莫測的時代, 成人追逐風氣都喘不過氣之際, 社會上能多些正面風氣, 好為艱辛的父母們打打氣, 為孩子們立個榜樣.  所謂"幼吾幼以及人之幼", 請勿再為孩子掛上LABEL, 有偏差便提出更正之冶本良方吧, 相信在濁流中仍有很多盡心盡力之家長在努力中. GOD BLESS!

khmama

回復 ANChan59 的帖子

ANChan59,

Congratulations! 你確係一個人版, 相信你一家必為你自豪.

khmama.

ANChan59

Part 2

2.        Value system
Different person has different value system, my personal value system come from the teaching from my parents, teachers, peers, books, social classes, exposures, personal experience & mistakes and Christianity……… then massage together. It’s pretty unique to different person and not so easy to repeat. We can’t request others to follow or repeat our unique value systems.

Be open-minded, self-reflection, receptive, explore and validate different scenario, learn from experience and mistakes – that's what I learnt in the last few decades…..

Some decisions may reflect our value system:
a.        Become church goers or baptized to get extra score;
b.        Use false address proof;
c.        What’s the real meaning of education?
d.        What’s the real meaning of a family? Roles of father and mother…….
e.        ………

My boy faced a moment of truth to pick one school out of two in an interview, he knew the answer from the teachers’ mind, he provided an honest answer and he was not selected in due course. After the interview, I asked him one question: Do you know the consequence of your answers? He said yes; and I am proud of him …….. He knows the true meaning of “Narrow door”……..

3.        Walk the walk vs Talk the talk
As I mentioned in Part 1, our kids are our mirrors, their attitudes and behaviors reflects our parenting and values. If we want to be role models for them, we need to walk the walk, it may mean sacrifice, persistence, honor our promises…….

This Christmas I received the best gift I never have; my university awarded my higher research degree to me on 23rd [The main reason I delayed the reply to TMT]. I started the research degree years ago, in between I had many good reasons to quit, even my Professor told me that quitted the study may be the best scenario to me and my family at certain stages, I can come back later if the timing is right. I took year leaves in the courses and finished the thesis this year.

The professor sent me the email about the good news with an important remark, “you are a role model for your son and your family, never give up….” I am so glad he understood why I keep it going, because he doesn’t have a kid………

“Never give up” may be a special meaning to my son, not from a book, not from an influential speaker or pastor….. demonstrated by a closed friend – dad.

途人

回復 ppatzhu05 的帖子

一個很好的分享

ANChan59

Part 1

I encourage tongmingtong (tmt here and after) to restart this post, as I know his remarks will redirect the whole discussion to different scope. Personally, I prefer not to hijack others posts, if I anticipated the discussion may be off-topic.

I planned to reply on most remarks from all web pals early this week, due to other engagements and I need to delay the reply. Moreover, I try to answer tmt’s remarks one by one, as time goes by, other web pals echoed or provided different views to address tmt’s remarks and frustrations. So, I will share my views in a more general perspective to echo, share different views or provide some practical tips based on my personal or friends’ experience. I am not an expert in parenting and education, but we love my son, we are willing to learn, listen, analyse, decide, action, review and move on…...

Here we go…..

1.        Parents duties and responsibilities
Proverbs 22:6 - Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
箴言 22:6 - 教 養 孩 童 ， 使 他 走 當 行 的 道 ， 就 是 到 老 他 也 不 偏 離 。

In my previous posts, particularly on EMI vs CMI and PDCA, I used certain paragraphs to address the importance of parents in the development of our dear children. Open communication, unconditional love and family relationship……… are crucial to our children’s development. From the news and mass media, I have the feeling more and more parents pass the “Royal Responsibilities” to school, teachers, maids, educational officials, internet, tuition centres, churches, pastor ….. and not ourselves.

I took some seminars related to parenting, emotional management…. from Professor Wong Chun Kwong (黃重光教授) before his private practice. Through his series of seminars, I learnt a few insights from him and his research:

a.        Our children are our mirrors (Self-reflection) – if I feel my son has some bad habits which upset me, before teaching or punishing him, I need to review my habits, he just followed my habits that I don’t realize……. Or from other family members, peers, school environment……
E.g. Once, I complained to a utility company, the customer service couldn’t catch my issue, my voice getting louder and louder, my boy pull my hand and whisper to my year “Don’t be mad, if he can anticipate your issue, he may be a manager. Talk to his supervisor instead.” I was shock, my misbehavior in the public was a terrible example, his soft remark made me felt bad and on the other hand, I am joyful of his maturity & EQ ……

b.        Empathy (同理心) – 「the identification (識別,一體感) with or vicarious (同理的) experiencing of the feeling, thoughts, etc. of another」、「the imaginative ascribing to an object of one’s feeling or attitudes」.
Seven steps of Empathy
1.        Ask open questions; 2. Slow down; 3. Don’t jump into conclusion; 4. Pay attention to body language, 5. Learn from experience and mistakes; 6. Story telling; 7. Boundaries
The 2nd example in [c] demonstrated part of empathy.

c.        Concrete brain (石屎腦) of kids – Kids below certain age, it’s difficult for them to comprehend certain concept. E.g. we can ask a kid about two glasses of milk with different liquid levels, they have the same volumes but in two glasses with different diameters, the kid will pick the glass of milk with higher liquid level. Another example, when my son was at P5, one day after the English teacher gave back his exam paper. During paper review, my son and 5 other boys discovered that some model answers are either wrong or may have alternative answers ….. They were aggressive and cornered the teacher in the classroom, she couldn’t manage them until the discipline master stepped in and penalized all 6 boys ……. My son really upset and called me once back home, we discussed about the whole case with him after dinner. My wife tried to explain to him, the poor standard of exam model answer was an important issue, but he needed to complain in a tactful manner and respect the teacher in whatever circumstance, don’t just focus on the right or wrong of the model answer. Then, my wife drafted a polite and comprehensive letter to the English teacher and English subject master to explain the whole case from different angles (model answers, student behavior, quality assurance of papers, classroom management….), we would like to meet with them after the Parents Day. Next day, the principal called my wife in the evening and explained the case and accepted some fair suggestions from us and also counter-proposed other alternatives. So the next day, my son and other boys said sorry to the English teacher on the misbehavior after class and stood firm about the model answers…….. We know he learnt a lot from this case and reflected in other cases in different scenario.