社交經驗分享

kelvin_hmlau

星期日帶了小兒去鰂魚涌公園. 有很多小孩玩, 小兒都係一個人玩, 大部分小孩都係一個人玩, 爸媽看管得很緊.

回家途中, 經過一個屋村小型遊樂場, 只有一個4歲多小孩玩. 小兒(5歲多)加入時, 那小孩相當熱情, 不斷要求小兒一起玩. 小兒亦經過引導下一起玩, 增加了一點和同輩玩的開心經驗.

其實想講的係如果想A仔有多點社交實戰, 去公園選人少時候, 和熱情但細一點的小孩玩亦不錯.

Olympian

哈哈﹗唔係我地覺得佢A，係經醫生診斷評估出來的結果。

AnsonWong2009

你哋啲小朋友和正常小朋友啲行為很接近,點解會覺得喺A仔?

LPYdad1

回復 iuman 的帖子

Dear iuman and Olympian,

Thank for your encouragement.

For iuman, please dont worry too much about the speech level to social activity and friendship. We all knew that speech ability plays an important part to social needs. But I dont think it is the most important part. Allow me to say, u make friends with people, including other parents, collegues or yr soul mates not out of their speech ability, right? Similarly, yr kid make friends, not coz he could speak beautifully. I remembered I wrote a passage (which I forgot where it is I am so sorry) in BK. The primary primary platform of a friendship or a relationship is that we are having the same interest, for kids, mostly is FUN. What we could do is providing a platform & some guidance to yr kid to enjoy playing with other kids. Talk more about this step next time if you are interested.

For Olympian, basically agreed w/ what u said. But somehow dont worry too much about the bothering other kids from yr child's delay. Everyone is different. In general, I think it is a treasure for my kid knowing that some people are different. It should be a gd lesson for other kids to know some people walk slower or faster, some people speak more or less, etc. For myself, I will tell my son to walk faster or stand aside and/or ask other kids to wait for him in a queue. If the delay is a bit more serious, I will probably ask my son to play with younger ones who matched with his ability. But please remember everyone is different and it applies to both delayed and non-delayed kids. My son also like to play with elderly instruments before. I dont stop him since he stay for a while. But if he stay too long, I will ask him to leave since i think it would be bored and he might miss other beautiful playing chance of a playground. It is a natural thing and I think it applies to all kids.

iuman

回復 LPYdad1 的帖子

好多謝你分享甘有用的技巧比我地。我個仔差唔多四歲，巨系好中意去遊樂場玩，玩到唔肯返屋企。但系我留意到巨系有同人玩ge意思，不過唔識表達需求。當然我有教巨講不如我地一起玩啦之類的開場白，但系同di小朋友對話對巨黎講顯得吃力。所以如果玩滑梯，追逐跑之類巨會比較好，因為用肢體語言。巨中意模仿人地ge玩法。你之前講的玩吹波波我第二日即刻去試咗，開始巨自己玩，但後來小朋友多咗大家一起追波波，巨亦表現好興奮。所以我覺得呢個系一個相當好ge群體遊戲體驗。雖然無需語言，但可以讓巨知道系一大班人一起參與。好多謝你的分享，真系獲益良多。希望睇到你多啲ge好辦法。不過香港實在太少遊戲場地，同埋除咗假期，好少有多啲小朋友一起玩lor。

Olympian

The 2 approches LPYdad mentioned are really nice.

My son situation is similar to apple~y case. I always tell other kids to wait for my son and prasie them for their patience afterward.

However, my son is getting more and more alert for unkown kids, he will scream or run away if they get too close to him.

He often goes to the elderly instruments area to get rid of them. :;pppp:
... and he loves the instruments there....

So, it may good for him to play at the time when there's not much kids and of course, better with known kids, but not easy to arrange lor...

LPYdad1

回復 iuman 的帖子

Dear iuman,

After blowing bubble, my next step is to help him playing along with other kids (It is different from asking him to play with other kids together. That is another step. Perhaps you will understand more when I quote the sample later in the passage)

Always remember there are 3 main rules to help your kid to play for social purpose.
1, Never never ever force him to do something when it is considered as "playing". You might make him try something new but please withdraw whenever he/she did not like.
2. Your key role is to encourage and creating an atmosphere. By then, help him or guide him if necessary. Full intervenution should be carried when there is a chaos.
3. You need some guiding skills ( I will share with you later) if necessary.

My son enjoyed a lot playing slides. So, what I did is starting to encourage him to competing with other kids to slide in playground when he was 4. Whenever he slide, I will say something like, "You slide faster or the boy next to you slide faster?" Of course, most kids will say he himself is the fastest. So, I will say,"The faster please raise your hand after slide." Most kids again will compete to raise their hands as fast as they could after finished one slide. I will then encourage my son and othe kids to competing to climb the stairs, sit and then slide. The competition goes on and on for half hr to 1 hr. I will probably say both are the fastest or you kids are tide in most cases.

Such competition game I also apply to running, swing or even cycling. The basic idea is to encourage the social interaction and awareness of my son with other kids and the environment.

If such stage is passed. Next step is seeking him to play other kids together.
Parent's role will be more tricky and selective.
Talk to you next time if you are interested.

iuman

回復 LPYdad1 的帖子

thanks for sharing and want to know more.

musicboxjoanne

thanks for sharing

LPYdad1

A few things I could share w/ u gals in this area, but it is quite broad and subjective if u dont mind.
First, dont expect too much in social acitivity if yr kid is below 3.5-4 in overall ability. I suggest u to concentrate on playing in playground instruments with adut's supervision first to enhance overall ability.
If stage already passed, best idea is to beginning to play with kids & parents KNOWN to each other since it is easier to control.
If stage is also passed, u really would like yr kid to start to play w/ other unknown kids in playground. In the beginning, I suggest u to think about creating an environment.
Here is my example to make it specific.
When I brought my son to playground ( in Quarry Bay before I moved) at 3.5 yrs old, and started him to give up too many time playing instruments alone and tried him playing with other unknown kids. I started him to play bubble blowing in beginning since he likes it, easy to handle,  and playing individually.
Most importantly, it has a very very clear and non-easily-distracted individual & group focus - that is blowing a bubble.
At that time, I got him a straw (easier to blow), and 3-4 bubble blowing sticks and a small plate. My son blows bubble and I pick up a stick to blow with him. At the same time, I also lend other sticks to unknown kids to blow bubbles together in playground. A small plate i will pour bubble liquid and allow them to share with each other including my son. I sit and guide the plate and blowing bubbles, too. Some other smaller kids like chasing bubbles. Some are lining the sticks to blow. My son would dig the bubbles together w/ other kids, blowing bubbles w/ other kids together. This is the beginning of his social activity in playground. It is important since he learns what is the group activity though not many interaction at that moment, but he knew he is one of those (even though he is actually weak using mouth to blow, therefore, his bubble straw is actually easier to use compared with sticks) and he also learns the ideas of follow and sharing.
U may try this as the beginning bit. Next level could talk next time if u want to hear.
One more thing, I just came across a hostility case with solution a wk ago when an unknown kid of a group said to my son ," I dont want u to play with us." If u want to hear, I could perhaps write u gals.

[ 本帖最後由 LPYdad1 於 11-12-10 01:11 編輯 ]

apple~y

我仔仔番緊s位
我只說給一位知心好朋友知
兩邊家人完全無講
我只說方便照顧妹妹,所以轉哥哥去第2間番全日班
我只係覺得家人唔明白,同一定唔接受
跟住好擔心,不停問問問
我要解釋再解釋,跟住大家親戚就會標籤小朋友
時時留住他的行為,小小事都可以放到好大
我唔想再受呢種壓力

又好似同小朋友去公園都會選人小小時間
就會好些
有時玩滑梯我仔仔手腳慢,後面小朋友係0甘
講"借借","唔好阻住",有時仔仔來不及反應都比人推,係側邊媽媽望住我0地個眼神係話比我知唔怏D抱開個細路,阻住晒
我有時都覺得唔公平,我又無做錯事,壞事
點解仔仔同我要受人呢種目光

[ 本帖最後由 apple~y 於 11-12-7 15:25 編輯 ]

xixi1218

原帖由 kelvin_hmlau 於 11-12-7 10:01 發表
很高興聽到你的兒子有大進步! 記住將d 開心野帶到明天. 明天開局順利, 整天都會心情愉快. 教養才可持久.

哈哈，“將d 開心野帶到明天. 明天開局順利,”這個描述很有趣啊。

Ladybirth001

我也是沒有「正式」告訴親友，只提及他有些問題需要執。其實自己以往對於「自閉」及「特殊學校」一直存有誤解，所知的實在太表面及不足，所以在無詳細解釋下，難期望他們會完全理解。
對不起，扯開了話題，樓主你的topic很好，令我們獲益良多，畢竟社交是A仔其中最弱的一環。

kelvin_hmlau

很高興聽到你的兒子有大進步! 記住將d 開心野帶到明天. 明天開局順利, 整天都會心情愉快. 教養才可持久.

xixi1218

原帖由 pocoyo123 於 11-12-6 23:50 發表
xixi1218:
以前亞仔在S位時, 這兩年也只限於學校門前的公園玩, 因在那裡所有家長也是SEN小朋友, 大家也沒有隔膜, 可以傾下計, 互相扶持, 回想起好像對亞仔唔住, 媽媽沒有勇氣去面對其他人眼光.........

不要 ...

我們很相似~

pocoyo123

xixi1218:
以前亞仔在S位時, 這兩年也只限於學校門前的公園玩, 因在那裡所有家長也是SEN小朋友, 大家也沒有隔膜, 可以傾下計, 互相扶持, 回想起好像對亞仔唔住, 媽媽沒有勇氣去面對其他人眼光.........

不要說陌生人, 我連自己家人也沒有說, (除了幾個要好的朋友知道外), 有時也很討厭自己...

對不起, 樓主, 我們離左題

xixi1218

kelvin_hmlau ，多謝你的關心，最近孩子脾氣好了很多，雖然每天都有讓我有些累和煩甚至氣，但是如果要我安靜地去回想和總結。我就能發現他真的進步了。感恩。

xixi1218

原帖由 fatpam 於 11-12-6 14:57 發表
大廈保安員問我點解佢轉校，讀邊間學校架， 我只係講地區

其實如果問起，大家會否對鄰居 / 朋友如實相告?

接佢放學見到校車個名，又見到其他正常小朋友放學同家人有講有笑，個心都有D淒涼。

...

我暫時還沒那個勇氣去如實相告，如果有人覺得他奇怪我也只是圓場地說一句他比較膽小，比較內向，或者說他發展比較慢。我不確定大家聽到自閉會有什麽反應。。。。不想嚇到人，也不想傷害到自己。如果有父母很平靜地告訴別人自己孩子的事情，我覺得真的很佩服，那需要很大的勇氣和很好的心理素質。

fatpam

大廈保安員問我點解佢轉校，讀邊間學校架， 我只係講地區

其實如果問起，大家會否對鄰居 / 朋友如實相告?

接佢放學見到校車個名，又見到其他正常小朋友放學同家人有講有笑，個心都有D淒涼。

原帖由 xixi1218 於 11-12-6 09:54 發表
這個TOPIC令我很共鳴，真的如kelvin_hmlau所講，如果遊樂場孩子好多，就未必有孩子很認真同一個像我們這種社交弱的孩子玩，而且如果剛好碰到只有一兩個個年紀小一點的孩子在玩，那麼真的是很好的機會。最好他們只有菲傭帶著，因 ...

[ 本帖最後由 fatpam 於 11-12-6 15:05 編輯 ]

BB頭maimimi

我鍾意同亞仔去屋村的公園,因為那裏的父母冇睇得咁緊,試過有次有個細過我個仔的小朋友成日推我個仔,我同我老公都冇出聲,因為想比亞仔自己解決,點知竟然係對方父母話我個仔推人,我老公即刻出聲話番對方。