Social activity breakthrough

LPYdad1

Happy things to share w/ u parents
(Dont be so sad about autism la)

I have a bit worry about my kid's social ability, close to 5 lor since he prefers playing w/ toys more than kids or people though he is an extremely charming kid.
To solve this problem, I start to bring him to social class at 3.5 upto present every wk. Tutors said he is doing great, technique is similar to his age level, but he is too enjoy playing w/ himself & easily satisfied w/ toys. To him, playing w/ toy is no different to playing w/ a person. His concern is on his intiative, rather than technique.
What should I do? To a certain extent, initiative is even more difficult to conquer than technique. it's about character rather than autism matter to some extent.
Coincidently, I moved to other places with a large garden & playground nearby, a lot alrger than below. I bring him to play in playground every night nearly. For 1st 2 mths, he concentrate on slide, swing, those individual thing. later seesaw, I start to talk to other kids when playing seesaw. He starts to intrude our talking. By then,I  start to encourage him to play slide w/ other kids in some sort of competition of fastness. Later, running w/ other kids in the garden. Even ask me to call other kids to come along to play for running, etc. Starting to miss other kids for his running favourite places.

Wow. I talk to my fd last wk, she also told me that after a wk back from PRC, she found my son changes. I told her mainly social impact seems hiking suddenly perhaps.

Hope my experience give you gals some encouragement.

LPYdad1

5th

A few practical issue is crucial to affect our 3 dimensional sense (except sensory integration & thinking technique or technique from LP program)
Choosing TV & computer program- TV should basically be minimized since it is MERELY compressing a 3 dimension view into a flat view in a TV box or in a screen. The light is also too dashing. In case you need yr kid to watch TV program during a treatment or therapy like acupuncture, you should understand watching a soap opera or a real movie is better watching a cartoon or a purely computer animated film. I could recommend something like a recent movie of an animated bear with real actors or a series of the three animated little squirrels with actors. The film at least is shot in real scene with shadow. Cartoon scenery is definitely flat and artificial. In a worst case, watching a cartoon like Thomax train is better than watching Lion Queen or Micky Mice. The former at least are shot in real figures. The latter are even worse since kids can’t identify facial expression clearly and all scenery is purely animated or drawn. The color is also too dashing. All these are trying NOT to teach your kid how to compress our 3 dimension world into a flat view. But 3D movie of course is too tiring for kid’s eyes. Some healthy function could help like bringing your kid to see a play or a musical, site seeing, hiking, etc.
About books & readings – choosing picture book or readings to kids is essential. Other than finding some 3D books, the important issue is that picture of a books should portray a scenario, not even a scene. What I mean is that a picture should have an emphasis. For example, a picture of a beach should be the shore and the sands. Please don’t teach yr kid every detail. Instead, guide him to identify a beach since there is shore, much sand around and swimmers (relating to real life) . Just point two to three key features to yr kids are already good enough, other than words since it is quite inevitable in most case I guess. Please avoid yr kid to play Walley picture book. That is definitely not suitable.
Toy hours – You probably have lots of toys for your kids, right? I remember I said some time before playing toy house is good for kids since it is relating to life experience and u could get some hints from what he is thinking while he is playing a toy house. It is already a good tool for a kid to picture the world, but it still remains in a 3D manner. What you could do better is that sometimes bring yr toy house in different places to play. Today in the floor, tomorrow in the dining table, or play in different angle next time if possible. Try to enhance his flexible views over an object. Sometimes, u might add an unrelated figure (e.g. a dinosaur) in a toy house to break the routine and gain some creativity. Car park (esp. for boys) has similar function, but less lively I guess.

Passage is too long - next time continue with outdoor work

LPYdad1

4th part
So when you are going to teach yr kid an item, try to bridge to his life experiences, staying in LT memory, avoiding too many details or being too inductive. Try to save his eye contact and his brain from too timey and tiring way of thinking every time. Another example I could think of - when teaching him what is called a “house”. His thought might gather all details of a house first. Saying like a house consist of a sofa, a TV, a kitchen & a bedroom, etc. By then, problem came. If he will enter a house, he will probably look everywhere the details for a house. After all requirements have met, a conclusion is then made. So tiring and timey for a kid’s eye and brain! A problem goes even further if there is irregularities, such as a house having no single kitchen, his eyes might probably search & search again (to find a single kitchen???). Until someone clarifies or he has insight that it is already a house even there is no single kitchen. By then he will conclude the concept of a “house”. To relate his learning into his life (probably shortening his thinking process), one suggestion I guess is explaining the concept of a” house” is where you live in, sleep in with some sensory help like sitting on a couch or lying in bed, etc.

Such way of thinking also contributes another visual problem that not many PDD experts has discussed, but affect the effectiveness of a kid’s eye contact I think. We heard that kids with PDD relies on visual facts largely (which I think is true). However, not many experts take account into or even realize the fact that (but I have quite a confidence that parents noticed) a kid with PDD has very poor three dimension sense. I am not saying that they could not see a thing clearly. What I am saying is that they have a strong tendency to condense a view or a scene from a 3 dimensional view into a flat view. An example I could think of, I have seen many pretty drawings from kids w/ PDD. Other than very detail oriented, their drawing seems to compress every details into a one dimensional view. Their portrait seldom gives a view with distance since their 3 dimensional sense are relatively weak.  

Other than their way of thinking contributing this, such problem is primarily related to their sensory problem since our 3 dimensional sense comes from our functioning of TWO eyes basically (but assuming they are normal first since no clear evidence showed kids w/ PDD having visual deficiency though I did heard kids w/ PDD are easily come w/ lazy eyes), by then our somatic and frontal sensory (which they might have deficiency), and then our sound sensitivity to the environment (which a kid with PDD is commonly weak of) and then processed the data in our way of thinking. Lack of 3 dimensional sense lead to a kid with PDD would not able to trace the origins of a sound. Correct eye contact of course turns to be difficult for these kids since their concept of distance is distorted.

These problems – way of thinking, sensory problem, lack of 3 dimensional sense have never a single cause & effect relationship. They are highly dependent on each other. So my next step will try to give some suggestion to enhance their 3 dimension sense other than sensory integration method (which are well-known by parents or experts I guess) or method to change their way of thinking (which I already mentioned).
(Will continue again)

LPYdad1

3rd part
Method to improve eye contact – let me divide into treatment, training and education basically. Training mostly helps the focus and direction which I mentioned before already. So, remaining is treatment & education…
Of course, repairing the brain esp wiring biologically is the most important part I guess. This part is highly controversial, since I don’t want to make any advocacy on any treatment, so let me leave it. But one treatment I could definitely recommend you to do (I guess u know what I am saying) – PLAYING with FUN. Exercise with happiness is definite a critical cure of disorganization of the brain.  (One thing a bit out of topic I want to say is that “Learning is fun” IS WRONG! Should be “FUN is learning” I hope they don’t sue me and I think they are a gd company. It is a bit like the slogan of HKU (明德格物) . In here, fun is the cause and it should also be the ultimate goal. Learning is the tool. Otherwise, learning is meaningless.) Please always remember Fun is the root cause of a kid’s interest. When he is interested, his eye contact will be a lot better.
As I said before, our society provides too many unrelated or unnecessary education materials – please try to cut them off as much as you can. Your kid will not use such information, but store them somewhere until the end of the world. “A for alligator, B for Biology”, these kind of information is just asking your kid to memorize the text with no practical reference. I don’t know what eye contact he could have relating to such kind of information in brain. Please only educate him those matched with his intellectual capacity, and matched with REALITY. He could recall such info quickly and easily from the brain.
So, our teaching method should relate to him, his life and his society. It should be horizontal (against vertical) to your materials. Saying like A for apple, when explaining what is an apple. Don’t bring him the details of an apple from the skin to the seed??? Or how to grow an apple, or how nutrious is an apple? Do not conglomerate to Newton in gravity. (My example might be an exaggeration) Be relevant to him. Apple is a fruit that you could eat, could be bought in supermarket, etc. Text should be life-oriented. (A bit Algorithm 演譯法against induction 歸納法 in philosophy) Of course, other than A for apple, bring him an apple or toy apple to look at and to touch w/ (I will perhaps start to write about sensory aid, facial expression & 3 dimension world to eye contact next time), I guess A for arms, ask him to look at & touch his own arms. Look at sky to find an aero plane when A for aero plane, etc. All these will help him to gain correct eye contact. It could also give him some interest, relevance to his life and even space for imagination. When they have to say something related or need to listen to something related, their brain will locate the info easier and quicker since they have came across with and they understand the relevance. Their eye balls should now jumping less since they have less doors to knock on. Eye contact will be more sincere and proper. Most importantly, these information are not in pieces and meaningful. They will start to have some contents inside his eye now while speaking or listening. One more additional thing he gain is that it starts to build a bridge relating from an apple to supermarket, apple to eating,.. and all these could be easily refreshed and be relevant in life time in some other topics.
Of course, it is only one bit, there is still a lot more…
(Will continue again)

[ 本帖最後由 LPYdad1 於 11-10-30 02:13 編輯 ]

kelvin_hmlau

我覺得我地的孩子被剝削左好多學習的機會.

Even a circus lion learns to sit on a chair in fear of the whip, but you call such a lion “well trained”, not “well educated”.

anan3388

同意。越來越感受到自信對我們的小朋友是極為重要的。在train train train 的mindset 下，孩子的自我不斷地削弱，一些反抗又被標籤為純粹行為問題。其實他們真的很期待，也很需要我們的理解和支持。近來的一點體會，有感而發，分享一下！

Olympian

所以咪好難叫佢一路講一路望人囉~~

有時自己講英文都唔望人，因為要諗下點講

kelvin_hmlau

你的解釋非常好. RDI 教眼神係用non-verbal. 因為如果用verbal, A仔要花精神黎process 語句.

別忘記A仔通常同一時間process幾樣訊息有困難.

LPYdad1

2nd part
To improve eye contact apart from rectifying all the deficiency such as attention, speech or sensory problem, etc

One issue is mostly agreed –Seeking his interest and bring him confidence as he is interested. When u are interested in a matter and u will try to know more and u get confidence, by then, you are more interest, right? A circle basically.
Only u are interested on a matter, he will deliberately look at those and process those visual data into the brain. And then u get more confidence and look at them more. A proper eye contact will come out.

Unfortunately, our society seems not providing many interesting task to your kid. Also in many ways, he needs to know and follow those issue he is not interested. What to do?

Please know what your kid is deliberately doing to cope with such problem first.

A very common characteristic of a delayed kid that most people agreed (of course, there are other problems) is that the information they absorbed are being segmented, probably due to poor wiring of the brain or poor development neuron & dendrites (branches) & poor composition of neuron transmitters. Simply saying, their thinking technique will be limited to logic is logic, memory is memory, emotion is emotion, expression is expression,etc (if their brain still keeps on functioning well – he has not much intellectual deficiency problem)  When u ask him a question like what is your name? He needs to knock on every segments to find an answer. (Name means an identification, your means I myself, etc…) All eye contact of course is lost when seeking all the details in a very simple question.

With poor cognitive and executive function, a common pattern they do is to skim through details of an issue or a scene and memorized the details. Why they do so? On one side, it is what they could do and what they could understand only due to imbalance brain functioning mentioned before. On the other side, our society requires them to cope with too many difficult issues, like self care, speech, maths, emotion control, etc. Once he could not catch up, what he could only do is to memorise the parts and probably follow adult’s instruction even though they don’t know what it means.

So when you talk to him in words or ask him a question, he will look every little parts related to the question, locating related issue and trying to conclude something or an answer. Such way of thinking is too inductive. The problem is 1. It takes time. All eye contact is spending on searching the details. Eye balls are jumping around a long time to look for all details even a small word or question. 2. Easily distracted by non-related matters. By then, his eye contact will focus on those distracted him. 3. Most importantly, he WON’T learn a thing through the process, but still keep memorize the parts only. His eye contact will definitely not have any contents inside.
(Will continue again)

[ 本帖最後由 LPYdad1 於 11-10-27 10:49 編輯 ]

LPYdad1

Btw, pls dont say learn, just sharing with u gals, ok?

[ 本帖最後由 LPYdad1 於 11-10-23 01:24 編輯 ]

LPYdad1

Dear baubaulee and fatpam,

Wow!!! Answering this question is a very big challenge to me as it is quite controversial.
Official answer (like govt & Heep Hoong) to improve eye contact is NO NEED & NO WAY.
My opinion is VERY VERY DIFFICULT BUT VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT.
A common viewpoint by most sectors, including me agreed is that poor eye contact is basically an indicator of a problem rather than a cause. However, poor eye contact itself blocks emotion, social & intellectual data absorption in brain. This indicator will also become a "cause" of a problem.
Reasons for poor eye contact: Too many possible and mixed reasons together. But u still need to know of course. Other parents pls tell me if u found more than below.
Sensory deficiency - hearing, somatic, frontal, touching, visual
Speech delay esp. in comprehension
Poor brain executive & cognitive function
Intellectual deficiency
Poor short term memory
Attention deficiency
Poor eye ball muscle and/or visual deficiency
Lack of understanding in human mind
Poor social understanding or initiation
Emotion deficiency
Interest

Remedy is simple. Overcome all the above, yr kid's eye contact will then be brilliant. (Overcoming one might already kill u or yr kid. Sound hopeless, right? Hahaha…)

Pls be optimistic. Some allowance u gals might seek for. First, there are weights for each person’s problem which causes poor eye contact. That means you do not need your kid to get a 100 mark in this paper, but getting 50-60 marks already acceptable, right? So put effort to rectify yr kid’s key problem which is related already helps. 2nd, It is somehow relates to luck. Saying u already found yr kid’s key problem is sensory deficiency, successful sensory training will help its eye contact to some extent. If your kid’s problem is intellectual deficiency, by then, you might need to work very hard to improve his IQ. 3rd, some key items are commonly found in kids causing poor eye contact like sensory, speech, attention deficiency. Improving these few parts already helped.
About techniques. I think Mrs Wong from LP Program has made very detailed & practical technique such as ask yr kid to chase torch light, finger touching w/ each other, playing trampoline w/ targets or passing things, etc. Please buy references from Mrs Wong or attending her class ( though I have not) will help u. I don’t think I could do better than her.
Now, the most important part for my passage is that.
Other than frequent reminder for eye contact (I am still doing it) and LP technique and throwing all behind theory away…
1.Improving eye contact should make alliance w/ yr school teacher & close relatives. I am NOT ONLY meaning to remind yr teacher to ask yr kid to look at people’s eye while speaking. In the beginning to improve eye contact (though I have not done to my kid since I knew this part not so long), u should ask those people frequently contact yr kid to have a similar distance/same eye level while seeking him to make correct eye contact in speaking. The distance should NOT be SO CLOSE (perhaps not less than half a metre) since a kid at 3 or below are commonly found to have long-sightedness. So making practices for a period of time, I think you could help yr kid to at least have a proper eye contact with a person in a certain distance first. If succeed, trying to help yr kid to extend his eye contact w/ u by starting varying the distance. This method is very ABA I guess.
2. Some aid is possible to help his eye contact other than only using finger to point at yr own eye. A pencil or a toy could be used to guide his changing focus. But using a snack is pointless, mostly he will only look at the snack but not yr eye.
3. Avoidance of TV & computer of course help yr kid to have a better eye contact in some extent, since the light in this products are too dashing.

Now, going to even more difficult part. (Maybe u are clever or experienced enough, u already have a question in yr mind) Even u are successful in above, what help is the correctness in eye focus. Where is the content inside the eyes? U will definitely find yr kid still has nothing inside his eye though focus is now correct if u are successful doing above. Perhaps his eye focus may even stay only in a very short while. What is the matter and how to improve? (Of course, I mean other than improving those deficiency mentioned before) Passage is damn long already and I am a bit exhausted. Pls let me continue next time again.

[ 本帖最後由 LPYdad1 於 11-10-23 01:30 編輯 ]

fatpam

If possible, pls share the methods / skills  of improving eye contact here as I think many other parents want to learn from you too.

U may receive many mails soon.

THX

原帖由 LPYdad1 於 11-10-22 11:11 發表
Info already pm u.
Writing about eye contact takes me sometime. I just finish half. Reply u this after it is finished.

LPYdad1

Info already pm u.
Writing about eye contact takes me sometime. I just finish half. Reply u this after it is finished.

baubaulee

Dear  LPYdad

My son is lack of eye contact, would you please share how to improve?

Btw, May I know more about your son's social class and school?



Thanks!

lovesumsum

many thanks for your prompt reply. it's very kind of you.

原帖由 LPYdad1 於 11-10-20 02:44 發表
Already pm u, please check if arrived

LPYdad1

Already pm u, please check if arrived

lovesumsum

BTW, i live in HK island side

原帖由 lovesumsum 於 11-10-19 16:38 發表
hi LPYdad,

i'm new to the forum. i read some of your posts (forget which one) that your son is attending a good kindergarten. can you please let me know which one? also, just read that your son is at ...

lovesumsum

hi LPYdad,

i'm new to the forum. i read some of your posts (forget which one) that your son is attending a good kindergarten. can you please let me know which one? also, just read that your son is attending social class. can you kindly let me know too?

my 3yrs old girl is confirmed autism spectrum. lack of social interaction, eye contact. has a bit of temper tandrum.

many thanks

LPYdad1

A funny experience -
Typhoon no.3 was hoisted yesterday, my son had no need to attend kindergarden and I had taken a break so I brought him to play in playground. There were quite a few kindergarden kids playing yesterday. After 15 mins, my son started to follow 2 boys probably 5-6 yrs old who knew each other very well since they called each other's full name. My son followed them for a while, probably asked him to play together. But they refused and complained him for following. After a while, I came across them and one boy complained me that my son was following him. This time, I intruded and said my son was asking you gals to play with him together. By then, there was a pause. They started to climb together, but not much connection with no complaining already at least. By then, another pause. I stepped in this time and asked one of the boy, "Come on, u gals run me in two circles together here." He then run a small circle and my son follows. I by then said, " Not large enough, pls run in a larger circle." By then, they started to run in a larger circle. I said to one of the boy again, " Not large enough, u should run a circle around the whole playground." They by then run a half circle, before they finished a circle, they already played another instrument that I am too far to check with them. They played for about 5- 10 mins. My son changed to play with another boy probably similar age for another 30 mins before two boys left the playground some time earlier.

Intervention/involvement to kids sometimes is necessary, not only for the reason to stop bad behaviour or danger. An adequate intervention not only help yr kid towards yr target behaviour/result, but also set an example to yr kid even to yr group how to start/follow a social behaviour. However, the level of intervention is somehow never easy to control. I myself have given a lot of false or inadequate intervention. However, practice makes perfect i guess. Example above, I start with guidance w/ help ( my word to the boy that my son wants to play with them). By then, the pause seems a reflection that it is not enough. By then, I took the leading role and asked them to run in a circle. This time, the actiont appears to be adequate (as the boys follow), I starts to retreat using guidance (run in a larger circle) and then watch & observe only (as they starts to deny my command and do not run anymore)and finally withdrew completely as they played smoothly.
Lots of observation and failure may come across first before u make an adequate action. However, practice ALWAYS makes perfect.