Any solutions???

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教育王國 › 討論區 › 小學雜談 › Any solutions???

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DepressedMammy

民房

Rank: 1


	1

1^#

發表於 05-6-10 01:53 |只看該作者

I'm so tired...

I just finished another "Day of Struggle" with my daughter so that I could take care of my own stuff.  I just worry that I might be nuts very soon...

The endless nightmare began when my daughter started her P1 study.  I am not sure whether she is lucky or not, she got allocated to a very good girl school in Kowloon Tong.  The school is very demanding and every parent has high expectation on their kids that every girl and their parents are competing keenly every day.

Since I am a full time housewife and I take my girl to school, I am (inevitably) under that immense invisible forces too to push my girl to do well.  Chains of extracurricular and academic lessons/classes are arranged Monday to Sunday and I work extremely hard to get her "well" prepared for her frequent quizes and tests, not mentioned the exams...(I swear that I did not do this at U)

In the first half of the academic year, my girl successfully transited to the primary school life and performed quite well in class.  This has strengthened my confidence to push her to go further (be honest, it gives me a sense of pride when I chat with other mums).  However, I found that she began to lose her momentum in the second half of the year that she sometimes argues and even refuses to follow/take my "orders".  This makes my furious and I almost shout at her every day.  The situation further deteriorates when I find that she always commits careless mistakes in her tests which I have spent days and nights beforehand to get her well prepared.  I just cannot control myself that I hit her hands and butt.  However, it does nothing good that she continues to perform below her abilities and I am afraid that she will be one of those kids at the bottom tier of the class...

I am not sure if there are any ideas to remotivate her again.  I do not want her to get spun off when she proceed to secondary school...please help.

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WYmom

大宅

Rank: 5 Rank: 5


	4747

2^#

發表於 05-6-10 08:45 |只看該作者

Re: Any solutions???

P.1 is usually the easiest year in local school.  When the kid goes up to P.2,3, 4... the workload will increase and increase, and it is not so easy to get high marks.  My daughter also got very high marks in P.1, then dropped suddenly from top 10 to middle average in P.2.  She then picks up better way to study in P.3 (actually I have to learn together with her to find the way as well) and resume back to top 10 again now.  I heard from other moms that a lot of times kids will study with results like playing rides, up and down very crazily.

May try to find out what she likes and dislikes, sometimes kids are very much affected by the teachers, if the teacher is good, she will like that subject more.  Motivate her by enrolling her into some interest courses she likes, and relax a bit more in lower primary, it is more important to arouse her interest in studying rather than forcing her to get very good marks in exams.

Scolding and beating will only worsen the situation, the kid will lose interest and confidence, so pls really control your temper and have to be very very patient to lead your kid back to track.  Really not easy for moms.  :-|

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Justin2002

複式洋房

Rank: 3 Rank: 3


	365

3^#

發表於 05-6-10 09:45 |只看該作者

Re: Any solutions???

Totally agree with WYmom's comments.

I can see how depressed you are when you can only post your voice at such an 'early' time of a day!

Being a mom, I believe everyone has experienced similar situation or struggle like yours, especially when your kid is studying in a 'famous' school.

I always remind myself:

1) what is the purpose of learning?
2) what do I expect my child to be when he/she grows up?
3) do I want my kid to study happily but is not at the top 5 or push her to be the best but always worry she may not achieve the same next time
4) if the child tries her very very best now (only in early primary), there is no doubt not much potential for further achievement

In my own opinion, please talk to your girl and discuss with her how she likes to do the learning.  She may not want you to 'order' her if she has the ability to do so.  Even in P.1, she can take responsibility of her favourite or most confident subject and you just let her go, let her do her own homework/revision on this particular subject and see how it works!

WYmom said truly that a teacher affects a child to a great extent.  Try to understand why your girl is not performing as you expect (though you may set a higher-than-expected level for her).  Sometimes, we have to allow children to day-dream which is in fact good for them.  Please ask yourself when you were small, what did you do in your spare time?  Haven't you day-dreamed also?  It is not healthy to pack from Sunday to Saturday all extra-curricular activities for a kid. She needs some time, some 'nothing-to-do' time!  This is a balance.

As WYmon pointed out, encouragement is always the best way and try not using punishment because you will find this not working very soon.  I commit the same mistake also and therefore remind myself here.

Someone once said, a child should be taught how to learn but not only memorize textbooks.  Who will remember what exactly did you learn/memorize in your primary school when you grow up?  If a child is interested in learning, she will find her way to explore whenever necessary, no push is needed!

Last but not the least, I think the most difficult part of being a full time mom is the pressure when facing the other moms.  Comparison is inevitable but please insists on what you believe is good to your own child. Find someone who has similar thoughts as yours and share with them!

There are of course many other factors or ways to arouse interests of learning but maybe we can share next time.

Wishing you be a happy mom and your girl studies happily.

Justin2002

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Adayeung

複式洋房

Rank: 3 Rank: 3


	240

4^#

發表於 05-6-10 09:53 |只看該作者

Re: Any solutions???

http://mysinamail.sina.com.hk/cgi-bin/mail/redirect.cgi?http://security.mingpao.com/books/dat/trialread/2885.pdf

http://www.hkedcity.net/parent/forum/forum/read.phtml?forum_id=9&current_page=2&i=750719#m750719

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TWMa

大宅

Rank: 5 Rank: 5


	1286

5^#

發表於 05-6-10 11:43 |只看該作者

Re: Any solutions???

DepressedMammy:
看完妳的留言, 覺得很感慨! 身處名校, 面對競爭時, "愛孩子, 不愛面子" 似乎不是那麼容易做得到.
3~12歲的階段是建立孩子多方面特質的年紀--- 自信、樂觀、自發、負責、合群... 有這些特質的小孩, 日後何需父母憂心? 反之, 即使棒下真可逼出好成績, 父母的這支棒可用多久? 學習如是件苦差事, 怎會有持續力? 又如何可終生愛學習呢? 可惜的是, 受到外在環境的影響, 多數的父母往往只重學科成績, 高壓的要求下更扼殺了孩子這些人格特質的形成, 怎不令人歎息!
農夫想自己種的稻苗長得比別人快、比別人高, 心急地把每株苗都 "拉拔" 高一吋, 正得意著, 沒想到幾天後稻苗全枯萎了, "揠苗助長" 和現代家長的行為何其相像!
我的孩子仍小, 正努力學習著如何為人父母. 雖然 "經驗" 不算多, 但建議妳重新檢視女兒的日常生活安排--- 星期一至六排滿了課外活動, 需要那麼 "滿" 嗎? 何況有些課是需每天付出時間練習的, 比如學琴, 除了每天的練琴, 聆賞也是很重要的, 否則學習的層次不會高. 孩子終歸是孩子, 在經過一天的學校生活後, 她也需要玩樂、休息的, 尤其是親子間的一些遊戲, 不僅可讓腦部有不同的發展, 也會令她感到被愛和安全感, 這樣, 即使在外頭遇到不如意的事, 她會尋求家人的安慰, 才有助於再出發, 也不會抑鬱.
6歲的孩子有自己的意見是自然不過的事, 如妳是抱著權威心態, 自然不能接受她的想法, 愛孩子, 何不試試靜心聆聽, 多用解釋和討論方式, 妳的改變, 孩子一定感受的到--- 人與人之間是一種互動的關係, 當你的想法開始改變, 會發現對方也跟著變.
我很認同 "學習最重要的是喜愛學習, 而非名次", 學習畢竟是條長遠的路, 現在才 p1, 離 "求學問" 階段尚遠, 如果因為過度的 "填" 導致失去學習動機, 豈非得不償失.

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