School Bullying

alexlui

My son is a P.1 Student studying in ESF school, he was bullied by students from other P.1 class. They pushed him, glared at him and used bad sign language to him whenever they saw him in the playground. he was scared. I have informed his class teacher. They have stopped their naughty behaviour for a while. Yesterday and today they bullied him again. This is annoying. I don't know what to do. Please advise.

gab

Hi alexlui,
It's really sad to learn that bullying in ESF school starts even at P.1! You must have a serious talk with the teachers and principal regarding your son's situation.  Remind your son that he has done nothing wrong so he shouldn't be scared, feel bad and must stand up for himself.  May I ask which ESF primary school is your son attending?

alexlui

Hi gap;

It is not very sad, it is annoying. School bullying is very common, it can happen in every school (don't ask? OK).  I don't blame the school, they are doing something.  I  just want to invite the parents here to give me some suggestions.

  

Regards.

Vrindavan

The kid need good social skill to protect his own

Social skill is very important,


Stopping School Violence
Immediately learn skills to keep your child safe from bullying and school violence.

loupou

It's hard to know what to do.

If it's teasing etc. it's often good advice to tell your child to walk away or ignore it. But that is sometimes taken for weakness and may increase the torment.

The other is to teach your kid to speak back. For example, on my daughter's first day of school at her new school a boy kept asking her rude and annoying questions about a family member and she told me she was answering him reasonably, but he kept repeating the same questions in a teasing way. So I suggested that if he did it again, she could turn it around and ask him "Why does your mama have such a rude boy?".

So, if kids make rude gestures at your son, you could try to teach him to say "My, you look silly when you do that." or in a very bored or fake-concerned tone "Wow, what's wrong with you, did you hurt your hand or something? Do you want me to take you to the school nurse..."

Even if your child doesn't actually say these things, thinking about saying them can be a help, give him or her ideas on how to stand up for himself, and deal w/ rude people who are trying to initimidate. This, as Vrindavan points out, is an important social skill.

alexlui

How about fight back?

Will ESF punish students for fighting back?

loupou

About fighting back? I don't know. I *imagine* violence (if discovered) would be punished, but it probably depends on what sort of fighting.

For example, my son in his first weeks of school  had trouble settling in  and reacted physically.  Some children complained to the teacher. The teacher spoke to him about it and wrote a note to me and I spoke to him about it. It stopped.

He wasn't punished (unless you consider being frequently reminded by your mama and your teacher to "play nicely" is a punishment). However, he was also a 6 year-old boy just starting a new school. If circumstances had been different, then maybe he would have been more severely punished.

On the other hand. My daughter had a problem where some boys were chasing and lifting up her and other girl's skirts.  She was shy about complaining to the teacher, so I wrote a note and asked the teacher to deal w/ the problem. She did (by speaking sternly to the boys and threatening them w/ worse trouble if they did it again).

If it gets to the point where you are thinking of advising your child to have a fist-fight, then I think instead one should bring in the teachers and administrators to deal with it.

BeBeJ

I agree with loupou.  If the situation does not get better, instead of asking your kid to physically fight back, you should get the teachers and school involved, they should in turn talk to the trouble makers' parents, so those kids would get the message that they could not get away with it.

lemonnosugar

I would suggest you teach your son on how to react when he is bullied.  For example, when other kid hits your son, you ask your son stops the kid by holding the kid's hand and looks in the kid's eye and says "No".  Or when others tease your son, ask them clamly of why make them happy of hurting your son's feeling.  Talk to the school can help in some points but you also need to give your son some advice on how to deal with it.  The School is not be possible to protect him throughout the day so it is better to let him deal with the situation.  My son is also experiencing some.  I consulted my counselor for his professional advice in dealing with the situation.

wbmom

alexlui,

my son is also at ESF P.1 and got bullied at playground very often, he got bullied not only from other P.1, he told me some P. 3 pushed him from time to time.

My son always wanted to fight back but I kept telling him not to do that unless he is in danger. I disagree teaching children " using violence against violence". Not that I want to be nice, I just want to protect my son from greater danger. Because if our son 'win' the first fight, he feel good about it and may not hesitate to do it again. Next time if a P.3 or P.6 provoke him, he may want to fight them too.

I asked my son to do the following and it seems working so far.:

1) tell the bullies to stop, if not
2) tell them he will report them to the teacher or parents, if still not stop
3) run to the playground teacher and lodge a complain, if it continues
4) I'll write a note or talk to the teacher

I also try to show up at school and say hi to his bullies(I never threaten or talk to them of course!), I just want to let them know I care about my son and I do talk to the teachers from time to time! Believe me, it works unless the bullies are really stupid.

alexlui

I have Started another discussion in ESF parents' forum.

http://www.hkcampus.net/webforum/read.php?num=4&id=617&thread=617&

alexlui

I am quite emotional now, I am trying to calm down myself. Is it a good idea to let my wife talk to the bullies' parents directly in the coming school function?  Do you think the school will label us as  trouble makers.  It is not uncommon, the victims are identified as trouble makers.

Thank you gab, Vrindavan, loupou, BeBeJ, lemonnosugar and wbmom. Thank you.

alexlui

This morning, I sent a letter of complaint to the class teacher. I picked up my son in the afternoon. The class teacher told me that this is a serious problem. She handed my letter to the deputy principle. The deputy principle asked my son to point out the bullies in another class. The bullies were warned. He also pass the message to all the teachers of lower forms. He emphasized that school bullying is not acceptable. They are very helpful; they didn't avoid the problem. I must say I can't thank them enough.

Thank you all. I am a happy guy again.

gab

wow alexlui, your son, yourself and the school's administration did a great job in dealing with this annoying issue.  We are happy for you that it has been settled in a timely fashion!   Hope your son will enjoy his school life in ESF!

IngridMaMa

alexlui,

我女女都係esf yr.1, 可能係細女, 性格比較靜, 耐不耐都聽到她講冇人同佢玩(好彩唔係日日), anyway, 我都想同妳share我的做法

1) 一定要report to class teacher (妳都有做啦)
2) 而我女個class teacher知道呢件事後, 在breaktime, 會同其他的女仔chat下, 重assign左一個大女, 叫佢takecare my girl
3) 呢招好好用----bring一些好好味的snack回校, 叫佢同小朋友share(依家d小朋友好精, 有好野食, 自自然會行過來做friend) 在share食物時, 我個女咪多左機會同其它小朋友contact囉

重可以:
4) 開birthday party 同埋 attend其它小朋友的party (玩一次, 同d小朋友的relationship會improve好多架)
5) 又或者invite 1-2個同學仔 weekend去玩玩

alexlui

Thank you for your advice, I think your suggestions are great.

We are planning a birthday party, any suggestion?
Mcdonald, Pizza Hut, or other places, please advise.

What activities are good for inviting his classmate?

Regards.

IngridMaMa

alexlui:

舊年10月, 亞仔1yr old party, 請的都係亞女的朋友仔, 我同佢地玩bingo(我在toys r us party section買, 比小朋友玩的), 我覺得d小朋友都好enjoy!

而gifts, 我prepare左一份大present比第一個bingo的小朋友, 跟住千萬不要stop, 因為佢地好想bingo架, 要bingo到最後一個小朋友(當然冇大present啦, once佢bingo, 我就送一支珍寶朱)

usually, 佢地都想玩多一round, 照舊, 第一個bingo的小朋友有大present, 而2nd round, 其它bingo小朋友就sticker一張

而亞女5 yrs old party, 我就請左crowd, of course, 玩得好開心!

MommyYip

I really hate this misbehavior.  I transferred my child to the ICS (International Christian School) after knowing that there are too many cases of bullying in ESF schools.

As ICS is a small school, students there are encouraged to show appreciations for each others instead of bullying to show their own power.  I am very pleased so far for making the transfer.

ymleung

Hi MommyYip,

Could you please tell us more?  Is it because the school can't solve the problems?  Have you tried any method to stop the bullying? ICS is in Fotan, are you talking about SJS or Shatin College?

Regards.

MommyYip

Hi Ymleung,

The ICS in FoTan is the elementary school.  The ICS I was talking is in Kowloon City, which includes both middle and high school in US system.

My child witnessed one bullying case when he was in KGXX.  The school campus is big and teachers are unable to have a close relationship with students.  Many students showed off their power by teasing others and sometimes provoking those who are not very strong in either sports or academic performance.  I was mad when my child told me that one student was almost taken off his pant by several fellows in the toilet.  My child told me that the peer culture was "telling on other to teachers" is a coward action.

ESF schools are really liberal in discipline.  While ICS is a small Christian school emphasing very much on discipline and mutual care.