我仔成日講大話...懷到透...點算好

Mami_mi

我仔都小五，成日逃避功課就講大話黎掩飾，
一次又一次，
只因係唔想做功課，
咁細個就成日講大話，點算好？
正常小朋友都唔會敢欠功課，講大話掩飾，
佢居然可以夠膽，好驚將來佢係一個懷透既人

Mami_mi

我試過信佢，結果又係o厄我既
到我唔信佢時，點知原來佢又講真！攪到我就黎黐線 :evil:  

每次佢講大話唔做功課，我都會罰佢，
佢都係唔怕.....唉

polarbear22bear

Hi Mami_mi,

I understand your situation, I have experienced this from my son who is only 5.  

At first, he was telling me other things which made him upset, however after serious analyzing of the situation, it may not be real.

What I did was I kept on asking his problem 3 to 4 times and then he found me very fussy so he finally told me the truth.

But for a P.5 boy, he could have experienced bad at school, try to talk to him nicely, like a friend, make him feels that you are of the right person to talk to, then he would start talk to you on everything you wanted to know.

Good Luck!

st.bintai

Mami_mi 寫道:
我仔都小五，成日逃避功課就講大話黎掩飾，
一次又一次，
只因係唔想做功課，
咁細個就成日講大話，點算好？
正常小朋友都唔會敢欠功課，講大話掩飾，
佢居然可以夠膽，好驚將來佢係一個懷透既人

你個仔都未夠班

我識得個死o靚仔 :tongue: 今年升小一   佢已經係 9 月開始擦左手冊 d 功課   而家先至 10 月中 , 佢已經比人記缺點     

勁哩     

heifamily

我細個時(P.2)喺學校唔見咗較剪，咁老師父母都話唔好講大話，我考慮咗好耐就决定講真話 - [我唔見咗]........爸爸打咗我一獲甘嘅。我好記得呢件事，因為諗咗好耐應該點講，由放學諗到食完晚飯，結果.......我當時嘅結論係我判斷錯誤(誠實而被打)，自此我知道有D事唔可以講真話。

當小朋友一路長大，佢會知道講唔同嘅《答案》係有唔同嘅《後果》時，咁佢會撰擇一個佢自己可以接受《後果》嘅《答案》(當然可能係大話)，咁即是《後果》影响咗佢嘅《答案》。

因為我自已嘅童年記憶，我女女講大話嘅《後果》比做錯事嘅《後果》嚴厲。

Mami_mi

polarbear22bear 寫道:
Hi Mami_mi,

I understand your situation, I have experienced this from my son who is only 5.  

At first, he was telling me other things which made him upset, however after serious analyzing of the situation, it may not be real.

What I did was I kept on asking his problem 3 to 4 times and then he found me very fussy so he finally told me the truth.

But for a P.5 boy, he could have experienced bad at school, try to talk to him nicely, like a friend, make him feels that you are of the right person to talk to, then he would start talk to you on everything you wanted to know.

Good Luck!

Hello !
我已經由細到大都對佢又軟又硬，
尤其是講大話依方面，
真係咁大個重係咁，好擔心，
試過佢沖完涼出黎，我聞到佢頭髮冇洗頭水味，
再問多幾次，佢就認左冇洗頭，佢連日常生活都要咁！？
佢理由係唔想洗，懶 ..............
我每日就好似做偵探咁留意佢每一舉一動，
睇佢有冇家成應有有既野，
真係人都顛 :evil:    

heifamily

Mami_mi ,
如果我係你，我會暫時分開2件事做，佢欠功課嘅後果由學校處理，講大話嘅後果由你處理。just my opinion, 始終小朋友嘅人格、處事態度係學校幫唔哂嘅。

Mami_mi

st.bintai 寫道:
[quote]
Mami_mi 寫道:
我仔都小五，成日逃避功課就講大話黎掩飾，
一次又一次，
只因係唔想做功課，
咁細個就成日講大話，點算好？
正常小朋友都唔會敢欠功課，講大話掩飾，
佢居然可以夠膽，好驚將來佢係一個懷透既人

你個仔都未夠班

我識得個死o靚仔 :tongue: 今年升小一   佢已經係 9 月開始擦左手冊 d 功課   而家先至 10 月中 , 佢已經比人記缺點     

勁哩      [/quote]


我仔舊年小四就塗手冊，收埋 D 功課唔做
今年開學好好地，點知又再黎咁

Mami_mi

So&So 寫道:
我兩個女好細個我已經成日講"狼來了"既故事俾佢地聽我細月家下4歲, 前兩日先問我, 如果佢講大話, 我係咪會唔信佢, 我斬釘截鐵同佢講係. 佢地都諗唔到理由要講大話.

其實家人榜樣好重要, 我應承佢地既野一定會做, 我做唔到或控制唔到既野, 我一定唔會應承佢地.  我都要我老公一樣係咁.  唔好以為有好小既事, 就可以講黎tum住伙佢地先.  呃呃tum tum就係講大話既開始.

其實都要教小朋友去承擔後果, 欠交功課就要接受被罰, 唔想被罰最好既方法係唔好欠交, 而唔係欠左之後掩飾.  因為大話一定會被發現, 到時罰兩樣野添.  

另外, 如果佢除左欠交功課呢件事, 平日係唔講大話既, 咁就應該幫佢找出欠交既原因. 唔識做? 懶? 分配唔到時間? 抑或佢想引人注意?  真正既問題解決左, 就冇需要講大話. 同時藉此教佢去面對問題本身, 而唔係講大話去逃避.  教導佢講大話不但不能解決問題, 仲反而加添問題, 令原來既問題變得更複雜. 一個10歲既朋友仔, 應該係有能力去理解呢d道理.

佢既理由係功課太煩唔想做，
而老師又未必記得罰佢，
重有就係想快 d 可以有rest 時間。
一字就係 : 懶！
我都唔明我罰佢又以獎勵形式，佢都要咁樣講大話，
又成日向佢講後果.....
佢真係寧願隱瞞一日就得一日開心咁
  

Mami_mi

heifamily 寫道:
我細個時(P.2)喺學校唔見咗較剪，咁老師父母都話唔好講大話，我考慮咗好耐就决定講真話 - [我唔見咗]........爸爸打咗我一獲甘嘅。我好記得呢件事，因為諗咗好耐應該點講，由放學諗到食完晚飯，結果.......我當時嘅結論係我判斷錯誤(誠實而被打)，自此我知道有D事唔可以講真話。

當小朋友一路長大，佢會知道講唔同嘅《答案》係有唔同嘅《後果》時，咁佢會撰擇一個佢自己可以接受《後果》嘅《答案》(當然可能係大話)，咁即是《後果》影响咗佢嘅《答案》。

因為我自已嘅童年記憶，我女女講大話嘅《後果》比做錯事嘅《後果》嚴厲。

我都同佢講，你欠功課我會罰冇單車踏(佢最鐘意)，但掩飾罪行我會雙倍罰，已經講到口水乾.............

Mami_mi

heifamily 寫道:
Mami_mi ,
如果我係你，我會暫時分開2件事做，佢欠功課嘅後果由學校處理，講大話嘅後果由你處理。just my opinion, 始終小朋友嘅人格、處事態度係學校幫唔哂嘅。

老師話今日要留佢堂，我話佢犯錯，老師應該處罰佢。
我同個仔講，點解要用一個大話黎掩飾一個大話，不斷咁重覆掩飾？佢答我 : 我驚你罰，鬧。
我話，咁你做錯事我係應該罰你，唔通由得你錯落去？
有時知佢太怕我罰就講大話，但唔通唔罰？冇可能.....唉

heifamily

唉，都唔知點講好，佢又幾醒喎，用大話cover大話

又分享吓(不過我女P.1咋)，有時佢做錯事(小事e.g.唔見咗嘢or倒瀉水等)，佢話係佢引致嘅(即是承認責任同埋後果)，我會讚佢誠實架，唔罰重會幫佢執手尾tim.

咁又可唔可以吸引佢做返一個有責任嘅小朋支？

Mami_mi

heifamily 寫道:
唉，都唔知點講好，佢又幾醒喎，用大話cover大話

又分享吓(不過我女P.1咋)，有時佢做錯事(小事e.g.唔見咗嘢or倒瀉水等)，佢話係佢引致嘅(即是承認責任同埋後果)，我會讚佢誠實架，唔罰重會幫佢執手尾tim.

咁又可唔可以吸引佢做返一個有責任嘅小朋支？

我有試過你個方法，佢都幾受
但一段日子又黎過 :cry:

Mami_mi

wunma 寫道:
Mami,

你個仔問題唔係一朝一夕, 唔係只係講大話咁簡單, 重有不負責任, 懶 (唔願完成每日功課), 你唔係唔理佢, 更唔係唔關心佢, 只係用錯方法. 而家佢咁大個, 你更應反醒, 改變你的態度, 重建你們的關係, 再逐步改善他的垢病.

你愈鬧佢佢愈講大話, 已做成惡性循環, 不如你試下唔好咁惡對佢, 認真的比佢知你唔可以接受佢講大話, 比佢知道你百分百信佢會改, 唔好睇死佢, 慢慢引導佢做番一個正常既孩子, 呢條路, 唔會易同短, 希望你理解我既意思.

唉，我有去進修兒童課程，又有睇書，都係想教佢向正途，
我冇只係鬧，係解釋又解釋，
只係佢好似寧願懶一時就一時既態度，
真係唔知自已責任問題 :cry:

polarbear22bear

Hi Mami_mi,

This always happens to children at ages 8-12.  I would suggest you  not to give him too much pressure, not everytime you spotted his mistakes you should scold him.  Observe first and make conclusion then ask for explanations.  

It's true that no one wants to lie if he had encountered bad experiences such as scolding and severe punishment.  You should change your way or attitude towards your son when discussions are being made.

Another factor is laziness.  Why would he lie to you if he doesn't want to wash his hair?  Ask him why he doesn't want to do that and then explain the bad result.  Please use a soft tone, a friendly tone.  Maybe you can shampoo him the next time around!

I can sensed that your boy needs your close attention,  please give your time to him, like doing homework together, tell him some related stories from his homework.  Or you can try your best to figure out some problems from his homework.  Let him feel that you are his closest person whom he can talk to.  Afterall, he is your baby before!!!

Yesmee

非常同意wunma的見解 !!

我們可能係用錯方法 !

我大仔 (11歲) 以前都係好像 mami 個仔咁, 一個大話 cover 另一個大話, 永不悔改, 最離譜係一件好小既事, 如:問下佢擦左牙未, 佢都可以講 大話...好多次激到我咸      

我諗: 長此以往下去, 對佢對我都唔好, 後來我真係好好咁反醒下自己, 唔再咁惡對佢, 同佢約法三章, 無論佢做錯咩事, 冇做功課, 比老師罰...佢都一定要同我講, 我答應佢我一定唔再罵佢, 當然, 與此同時, 佢都要答應我, 好好約束自己, 唔好再明知故犯.  總之, 萬事有商量, 一定要大家亙相信任, 建立一個良好的關係.

之後, 佢既表現都好令我滿意.

wunma 寫道:
Mami,

你個仔問題唔係一朝一夕, 唔係只係講大話咁簡單, 重有不負責任, 懶 (唔願完成每日功課), 你唔係唔理佢, 更唔係唔關心佢, 只係用錯方法. 而家佢咁大個, 你更應反醒, 改變你的態度, 重建你們的關係, 再逐步改善他的垢病.

你愈鬧佢佢愈講大話, 已做成惡性循環, 不如你試下唔好咁惡對佢, 認真的比佢知你唔可以接受佢講大話, 比佢知道你百分百信佢會改, 唔好睇死佢, 慢慢引導佢做番一個正常既孩子, 呢條路, 唔會易同短, 希望你理解我既意思.

KK

想問下他是獨生子嗎？是否周圍有好多野吸引住佢？e.g遊戲機、單車、電視、……
可以嘗試去學校接觸社工、班主任協助嗎？
一定要認真正視問題，五年級了，程分上中學的！
大話=逃避，上學唔開心嗎？

polarbear22bear

Totally agree with Yesmee,  you are so great!  This is not easy but you have succeeded!  Sounds you and your son are doing fine now!  I have to learn from you too!