請幫忙修改英文，急!!

2fungs

老闆個仔出信去英國一所中學，寫了以下信，請幫忙執一執，我英文麻麻~

內容大致 : 大哥同細路去英國interview，學校收咗細路，大哥對該學校/校長印象深刻，希望明年都可以去讀。

It was very happy to visit U.K., met you (The master) and visit the environment of Rendcomb College with my father, brother in law (Tsz Him) and sister (Miss May Lee) on 21-7-06.

Firstly, I appreciated that your esteemed school accepted my brother – Tsz Him (Ben) to be the form 1 student of this year, I believe that he can have good performance under the best education in Rendcomb College. My brother is an outstanding and aggressive student during studying in St. Joseph’s Anglo-Chinese Primary School, Hong Kong, He has obtained the excellent student award among of 5 students from 1440 students in the school.

I have got great benefits and deep impression during the visit in Rendcomb College, school master is very nice and care for student’s study and all-round development in school.  Especially that at the first time I met you with my brother, you were considering the English level of my brother is lower than standard, you offer extra English lesson for him. This special arrangement left me strong impression.
  
That was the first time I visited U.K., I feel that it is about 50% similar as Hong Kong Island.  Rendcomb College is an ideal school with a graceful campus and best equipment. If there is an opportunity, I wish that I can study in Rendcomb College, and I hope to study F. 4 level of next year, I am preparing to submit application and resume on next term, hopefully you can accept my application, I must to study well.

2fungs

    

Tigerprawn

Honestly, the letter needs a lot of changes.  Why not ask the boy to write it and let you fix it.  

By the way, you need to fix the relationship of the mentioned peoples, brother does not equal to brother in law.