- 在線時間
- 363 小時
- 最後登錄
- 20-11-4
- 國民生產力
- 0
- 附加生產力
- 8352
- 貢獻生產力
- 0
- 註冊時間
- 13-2-26
- 閱讀權限
- 10
- 帖子
- 1272
- 主題
- 130
- 精華
- 0
- 積分
- 9624
- UID
- 1138267
|
Read more: 6 ways to raise a happy child >
“If we overly stigmatize quitting,” says Kang, who is also the medical director for Child and Youth Mental Health community programs in Vancouver, “we prevent kids from trying new things, which is terrible for them, for society, for innovation, for creativity. Trial and error is vitally important, and trial and error inherently involves quitting.”
With her patients—and with her own three children—Kang focuses on activities kids can try out versus “committed” activities. The Harvard-trained psychiatrist, who participated in precisely zero extracurricular activities as a child, negotiates the terms of her kids’ activities on a case-by-case basis. “Parents can say, ‘I’d like you to try it three times before you quit,’ or, ‘If we pay for something, we’ve committed to it, so we’re going to finish that number of sessions. If you don’t want to continue on after that, that’s OK.’ Is that quitting, or is that a good trial? We say that’s a good trial.”
Kang also argues that parents today may lean too hard on the “three months’ worth of paid lessons” model of sampling. Just because a child expresses an interest in archery, or bowling, or ballet, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she needs to sign up for a season’s worth of structured classes in the subject. Instead of rushing to pay for lessons, check out the local bowling alley for a couple of hours, or find a friend in the neighbourhood with an archery set-up in the backyard. I discovered this the hard way with my younger son: While he wasn’t keen about his art classes (“They always tell me what I’m supposed to make, and I want to make what I want to make!”), he was more than thrilled to spend an afternoon messing with clay and glazes with a friend of mine who’s a local potter.
Read more: Are you overscheduling your child? >
Both experts agree that kids’ chances of sticking with—and benefiting from—an activity are enhanced if the motivation comes from the child rather than from the parents.
Orli Kendall,* for example, was only two years old when she started asking repeatedly for violin lessons. She became enthralled with the instrument during a few kid-oriented symphony concerts. “She’d stand right in front of the musicians and pretend to conduct,” says her mom, Rebecca Greenberg.
Greenberg remembers her toddler marching up to an employee in a music store and asking to hold a violin. “To my horror, they gave one to her. My vision was that she was going to drop it and it was going to shatter and we were going to have to buy it. But she just stood there holding it on her shoulder with this big grin on her face.”
By the time she was three, Orli’s parents signed her up for lessons. But it became apparent pretty quickly that learning the violin was going to be, at times, at least as maddening as it would be joyful. Especially in the first couple of years, Greenberg recalls a lot of tantrums and tears (sometimes her own, sometimes her daughter’s) around violin lessons and practice. “There were definitely times when she said she wanted to quit, and there were times when I just wanted to walk away.”
Read more: The perfect age to start music lessons >
Now seven, Orli is well over her initial frustrations with the violin. She has private lessons and plays with a group ensemble weekly, and practises every day before school for 20-odd minutes. She started playing competitively a year ago, and enjoys recitals, but has so far turned down the option of taking Royal Conservatory exams, which is fine with her parents.
And while Greenberg is happy that they stuck it out, she still feels conflicted about whether she was being a supportive parent or a pushy one. How do you tell the difference?
Look to your child, says Camiré. Even older kids may not have the maturity to see the bigger picture when they’re frustrated by the difficulties of learning a new skill. “But if they enjoy the activity once they’ve got through a rough patch, then I think it’s important to persist. On the other hand, if all you see is relief that they’ve satisfied you as a parent, and if they still want to quit, then it might be time to look for another activity.”
That’s what Nancy Hennen, a flute teacher in Brandon, Man., finally did. She signed herself and her younger son, Marc, up for joint violin lessons so they could spend some special time together learning something new. But he simply wasn’t interested in putting in the effort, and each lesson and practice time turned into a battle. “I’m still really mixed about it,” she says of the two years they spent trying. “I still think it’s really important to pursue things. And I’m hoping he goes back to an instrument, but if he does, he has to get there himself.”
Read more: Can music make your child smarter? >
As for Sam, ultimately, his parents made the call to let him give up water polo. “It was tough to let him quit something he was so good at,” says Kennie. “But the minute he stopped, it was like a switch was flipped. He went from being highly anxious, crying at the drop of a hat, back to his normal self: no more panic attacks. It was a good quit—you know?”
*Name has been changed
|
|